Never let the narcissist’s stunted growth and poor sense of self lull you into complacency. Check out my book “The 16 Signs of a Narcissist” by clicking below …
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A Narcissist’s Lack of Identity can Fool You Into Feeling Sorry for Them
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Thanks for sharing your views! I am so glad the word is out. I hope more people can get liberated and find healing. This narcissistic abuse takes forever. Their hooks are in you from so long. There are still things that I may not remember or haven't put together after like 20 years of working on this because of the amount of secrets that were kept hidden. I remember as a kid wondering about what twisted fate I got born into and wondering what I did. Living with narcissists is the worst type of hell I have been trying to understand the effect of the trauma. I have zillions of self help books. I've been doing this since I was 14 and you really have to dig to find the truth because they don't want you to know. They guard information, those ministers of propaganda. I couldn't tell you who they are after all these years.They were like a bunch of awful monsters with disgusting vibes coming off them. I wouldn't wish this horror on my worst enemy. Hinduism has helped me a lot in my healing because it is so up lifting, positive, looks at wholeness, love for life, animals, flora. It is the opposite of the narcissistic lifestyle. Definitely, these people are stuck in some awful material attachment of trying to control others and they have fascist tendencies getting off on pain they inflict. Definitely, the type of people you don't want to associate with. Thank you for helping us understand better about WTF is going on in their minds.
I was married to a Christian Narcissist for 32 years and have recently separated. This video along with all the other informational articles I've read has been very helpful. My biggest struggle with getting away and freeing myself from my Narc husband is dealing with the guilt that I was the one with the problem. And feeling horrible because I felt as though I was hurting him. He told me if I left him I was wrong. That staying with him and working things out was the only way that I would ever be happy. I stood my ground and am proceeding with the divorce. As time goes on I can see that he becomes more desperate to prove his excellence and innocence to the people we are both associated with. And also more desperate to find ways to control me. Making me feel that I am doomed to fail without him. Understanding their way of thinking and that I"m not crazy and that there really are people (narcissists) out there that exist and behave that way has been an emotional life saver for me. Now I can concentrate on becoming well emotionally 'without' him in my life, controlling my life. Thank you!
What about close family members? He is my cousin and he was my best friend for 10 years. Then things turned around and I noticed how manipulative how "robotlike" he is how easily he can charm people and also how easily he can cause me harm. I'm working on my boundaries at the moment because he is using my family to hurt me. He has a way to expropriate the whole family including my mother and nobody can say no to him. And for the record he lives about 3000 kms from me he visits twice a year and yet hestill finds a way through my family to make me hurt.
I always believed that he is a good person underneath but now I'm not sure.
They arent people and they do not have feelings. They are vampires. Stop being so easy on these monsters.
This topic is so interesting. Once you start to look at it, it gets into everything from basic practicalities (how to get away, how to protect yourself and loved ones), to psychology (who are they?, what's going on with them?), to ethics (how do we regard people who are dangerously dysfunctional?), even to philosophy (how does all this stand in relation to what we know of the universe and our place in it?). I feel as though it should be impossible to look at any of it apart from the protection element until we are healed enough, but for me, the ethics etc has been an important part of the healing. Trying to come to a place in my mind where I can recognise that 1. I must protect myself from total annihilation of the soul, 2. In doing that I am not failing to understand that my abuser is a person in such great (buried) pain that they need to behave in ways which feel evil, and 3. I don't need to know all the answers in order to get out and never go back for more, is a long and revolutionary journey.
These videos are so therapeutic for me. Have you done a video on Why Counseling Doesn't Work for a Narcissist?
narcissism is a epidemic it is the result of ,the spread of the junkie phylisophi from 30 years ago of self steem ,self reliance instead of achievers people became a self god imagine ,self involve where nothing matters but themselves,it is so spread in the entire society that it is dificult to find someone happy with themselves,To end up our conflct of wether we will harm the mentally sick we should conclude wether we sacrfice the peace and happiness of the mayority or keep the sick getting away with crime if we allow that we are not helping neither ourselves or she or he
"You are doing more harm by letting them harm you." This is really the best
message of this video. If one feels sorry for them its better for them
to be a little cruel to them.
No identity. That is why they treat you as a extension of themselves and dont respect peoples limits, right? (hoovering and refusal to adhere to norms and rules of normal, human and responsible conduct.)
OMG!!! I just can't thank you enough, I love all of your vids, but' this has given me complete discernment. I left my narc twice in 2014 and 2014. She came back after two months the first time, and the second time she came back after 7months, my mistake was taking her back. I left her twice in a ten day span just recently, I could not bare to stay away bc all of the crying and mental breakdown of her left me with extreme guilt. Now after listening to you I realize she was really actually in pain ( though she has a stock of replacements behind my back ). But' I now understand that most of her pain is coming from not having a guaranteed supply ( which is me ), this makes things so much clearer for me now. I will now have to make my last and final escape, now that I realize that she has a backup anyway, I'm just gonna have to ignore the tears and be on my way, if I don't leave now, I will die very soon, I can actually feel my immune system getting weaker and weaker. These people truly have ties with the devil, they really deserve to burn in hell.
Mine didn't take on other qualities, he stuck to some kind of core belief system of his own, but we agreed on several things, so we got along, and unfortunately this led to us dating.. if you can call what our relationship was, dating. It was more like a "you serve me while I complain about how no one recognizes how awesome I am!" party. Yep. He only has really limited interests though: Sports, only certain music, only certain movies, only certain books. If you disagree with him, on even something that does not seem important to a normal person, he finds that to be against him and gets aggressively argumentative. He actually seems to only have an identity built of his personal likes and dislikes, and blames his father for his behavior, which I have told him he can't keep doing. Towards the end I noticed I was acting more and more like him – selfish, inconsiderate, etc. – and I didn't like the results. It was at this point that he dumped me and just treated me so coldly (I kept seeing him at work) that I knew something was wrong with him. I remember crying at his apartment, asking if we could work something out, and he was just watching the news, smoking a cigarette (which he knew bothers my asthma) and basically ignoring me except to disagree with my pleas. He gave me a week to move out after I had just moved in and he knew I had nowhere to go. He also gave me a bunch of silent treatment and didn't break it until about 8 months later (I was testing to see how right I was about him, and, I was definitely right. He still ignores me unless he needs something or I point blank attempt to really force a conversation.)
great video! I see him as a violent tweeker. He said over an over how much he was alone, but I discovered. ..
they fear being alone. each 1 I have met cannot spend an entire day alone. like they see ghosts or something
you should get a pulitzer prize my friend, you have helped me the way nobody else could, I listen to your videos everyday and you have made it so easy for me to pull away from this monster, thank you thank you thank you!
BUT WHY?????? WHY DO THEY SEEK TO DO HARM??? Why??
Good advice, but protect other people? Other people probably won't understand where you're coming from. Maybe some families and friends are different, but to me they all seem like a small army that the narc has assembled that I have to avoid. They themselves seem to have cluster B traits or personality disorders, they can't quite make the leap to seeing that they themselves are a sort of victim. If they do, they still don't understand the unfairness of it, or the concept of fairness itself.
Just what I needed to hear as I am trying to stay in no conact with my narc father. Thank you!
this is Tommy … he used to rent his personality from rent-a-center but they went out of business so now he has none …
You're very wise, especially for a young fella.
Thank you Scott. All you videos are great, but this one is superb. Much can be drawn from you videos on how to deal with narcs, but would you consider doing a video on divorcing a narcissist? thanks again.
I sometimes wonder if narcissism is a form sub category of Autism.
I've worked with mentally challenged men (not as a professional)and of course we just didn't expect them to perform on normal level and when I realized my husband has NPD I just totally changed my approach to him and I now don't expect him ever to show me or our son's empathy, and I rarely display any emotions, everything I say, I say in a my best calm authority voice because he can't take any emotionally charged conversation, even though he does everything he can do get us upset about anything and everything, my boys and I stay calm and indifferent. It's not the best situation we are still miserable but now at least I don't look to him to get my emotional needs met. I see it now, every mad, sad or glad feelings he has comes from putting other people down. Thanks for sharing your understanding of the narcissist.
in their young lives early adulthood they must not yet be aware of what they are on any level and although can never see themselves for who they are, they do sadly get to suspect something is missing from their basket that others seem to have. They appear to get a kind of shock and confusion.