The narcissist is not interested in making friends, just in obtaining narcissist supply. He values people based solely in the amount of narcisst supply he will …
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Narcissist Confinement, The Value of Friendship to a Narcissist
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my narc has one close friend who he had for many years. i believe the friend is a co-dependant. nice guy who said his mother was a witch from hell. they mostly talk about the old days. i find it highly boring. when the friend leaves, the narc tells me his friend is irritating. every week the friend comes over to talk. the co-dependent needs the narc. the narc treats him badly. what else is new?
the fear of flying. take a read at "johnathan livingston seagull." it is so narcissistic. also gnostic and new age. my narcissist loved this book. i thought it was horrible and stupid for a seagull to act this way. you can watch it on a short video if you don't want to read the book. funny thing was this was required reading in high school for me. were they teaching narcissism? you betcha!
Sam, I have a "friend" who seems to display many of the characteristics you have described. She will text something to me and I will respond right away with a response and also with a question to her as one would do when in a conversation. Yet sometimes it is days before she replies, and most of the time she doesn't reply to the last thing I said. It's like her phone deleted the text history or something. It's like she has the attention span of a gnat. Is this a narcissistic trait, or does this come from somewhere else?
the narcissist i know just devalues from the start no fake friendliness
Presented with ongoing situations, I think the narc would prefer to just be lulled to sleep rather than having to deal with any of it; it is boring; all of it. There is no engagement, and therefore life is just plain tedious. Children; extended family; nuclear family; holiday; BD; baptism, etc., what is the difference; it is just "time" to the narcissist. It would be much better to just watch television and engage someone else, visually, who is actually living out a life. The narc sleeps or performs, others actually live.
I have seen it all, which makes it all so confusing. Sometimes I grow tired of analyzing it, but if I do not I will suffer more, because of the inability for the narc to do any analyzing of his own. He has admitted that he has no friends; he doesn't. Most narcs do not, and if they do, they are supply. They do not call them or acknowledge them, but if they realize that the "supposed friend" has something they want they will aggressively seek to prop-up the friendship. But, when not in need, the person is never mentioned or considered, just as with general family members. It is about the moment; the need at the moment. And, as years pass and other people have needs, the narc is unable to truly identify with their needs, but will feign emotions and concern, and will resume life as "normal" and completely forget the ones he feigned concern for after the initial contact. No one wants to be cruel, or to judge someone else, but when people are falling by the dozens from the lack of the narc to respond (throwing the potato back) you have to realize that they cannot maintain relationships. I don't 100% completely agree with Sam; I think the variations are immense with this condition. Not all narcissists think they are "superior: good looking; intelligent, etc.; in fact, their narcissism may arise from absolutely the opposite. But, they (narc) WANTS to be superior; good looking; intelligent; sophisticated, etc., so they learn to use manipulation to gain that which they cannot automatically gain without good looks; intellectualism; skill; accomplishments, etc. They feign their success and accomplishments, and pray with their fingers crossed that other people are buying into it. If successful, the target will buy into it, but not for long. As any untruth, it begins to unravel,. and then they (narc) fear abandonment. But, the true narc does not ever look inside to determine why they cannot just be genuine and truly earn the love and accomplishment they feign to have, but would much rather "cheat" and feign rather than to actually accomplish anything, and that is why if they do secure an "accomplished" person they would rather die than to lose them because they are completing the "picture" that the narc has portrayed of themselves to other people. If the target eventually escapes the entire façade of the narc dissipates and he is left with other people wondering "why." The narc cannot stand being questioned or doubted after all of the time that has been spent calculating, planning, and executing the plan. Any person who is not completely subdued by the control, persuasion, and charm of the narc becomes a severe threat, and it threatens the entire plan to gain the admiration, adulation, and security of his support network; in other words, one word can unravel his immense work to surround himself with that which he truly has not earned. That is when irrespective of truth, the narc will once again blame other people and project outwardly his discontentment in other people, when actually introspection is called for and he should be blaming himself rather than another person. This is the conundrum; what the hell is the point? There isn't any. Life is a waste in the end because someone is sick and doesn't know how to live. That is the bottom line. Many people globally grow up in less than wonderful lives; they suffer; their parents are killed; they are victims of war; rape; crimes of all kinds, et. What makes a person a narcissist? Why when other people can "overcome" they cannot? Why do they wish to inflict more disillusionment and pain on other people; (empathy) when they themselves have been through the same pain? In other words, "the poor little narc." Sorry, but there are a lot of people out here who have been woefully abused and hurt, so why do they "move on" and the narc cannot? Rather than joining in with others and trying to make things better, they continue the abuse with their own actions against others? That is the main question. What gives one person a moral compass; empathy; and dedication to other people after suffering the same losses; tragedies, and pain? Where does it come from? And, in many cases the narc's victims have suffered far more tragedy than the narc. Why, and what allows them to transgress other people and feel nothing but pity and love for themselves rather than seeing mankind as a community that suffers as a whole? Any answers???
Observing my former co-worker around people of wealth or status was impressive, if not unsettling. He had a remarkable, but apparently un-slimy way of making himself seem indespensible to those people. To some, he would play the role of a hard-working go-getter who might be deserving of a good mentor…very unnatural for a narcissist, but flattering and effective towards the right person. No doubt he was a sociopath, as well.
He sought narcissistic supply from others, and favors from his few but wealthy "friends". And if you didn't fall into one of those categories you were beneath contempt.
What was the last word he used at the very end of the video? "the fear of.." what? The fear of flight/flying/light?
You are only a so-called friend to a Narcissist if they can use you for something, the higher they can use you, the more you become their best-friend, however, as soon as you figure them out or they see you are onto them, they quickly devalue you like you never existed and start looking for their next new best-friend and other sources of supplies. ( it will blow your mind, but remember it's not you they are sick) Narcissist are soulless and spineless demonic individuals who are bitter, lonely, empty and miserable. Dr. Sam is a expert learn about these type people and how to spot them so they can't enter your life and try to suck you DRY! They are pathological liars, needy, self-centered, and exhausting. They get joy out of manipulating people and trying to destroy them and take everything they can from them for free. They think they are GOD'S gift to the world and equate themselves to be GOD like. They claim to be the best at what they do with no AWARDS, or accolades to back it up. They speak in exaggerations and false achievements. They love to be the center of attention and they flaunt things ( mostly gotten from illegal or con activity) They are very self-centered and self-pleasure is all they live for.
Re: the staying at home remark towards the end of the video…
I think that's a very interesting observation. I'm an introvert, and don't consider myself to score very high on the malignant narcissism scale, but I have had to deal intimately with several malignant narcissists, and some were very highly extroverted. Yet these highly extroverted narcissists often routinely and compulsively stayed at home. Whereas I, as an introvert, really take pleasure in staying at home and closing myself off so that I can explore worlds in reading, writing, media, to have fun, unwind and get more work and homework done, etc., somehow the need to stay at home for these highly extroverted narcissists seemed to spring from very different reasons that felt a little bit off to me, even as someone who likes to recharge my batteries by being alone. It seemed panicky and… somewhat like controlled frustration.
The term "narcissistic supply" was used by psychoanalyst Otto Fenichel in 1938 in describing the way in which a narcissistic individual "requires a 'narcissistic supply' from the environment in the same way as the infant requires an external supply of food".[1]
Look if you don't remember anything else, you will be their BESTFRIEND, they will fake love you until the cows come home, that is until you EXPOSE them and CALL THEM OUT, and CATCH THEM doing wrong and then you realize you have merely been a supply source and duped. You are then no longer of any use because they realize you are onto them and they can never get anything from you ever again.
Just unfriended a vindictive narcissist from my fb. I stayed friends with her way too long.
I was dating someone I believe to be a narcissist. Rules didn't apply to him. I have been trying the no contact thing for a while now but I keep receiving text messages from him with religious connotations. Is this a usual narcissistic trait?
Three dimensional cartoon, that's precisely how I felt I was perceived by a narcissist in my life.
i'm dealing with a narcissist in therapy – he is highly sensitive to criticism, emotionally reactive, and impulsive. i ask him questions i know he can't possibly justify or explain, until he tells me to "go fuck" myself and storms out of the session. i'm waiting for him to get physical so i can beat his narcissistic ass and classify him as zero-personality-disorder.
I sent this to the NARCISSIST on FB. Ive educated myself for the last 3 mos, I was able to manage the NO CONTACT since that period. It is a very fast decision cause Ive tons of videos and articles on my history and I really have no idea what to send during those moments that calls for a very fast action. No matter how ill I was treated I find that responsibility to inform. It was then I knew I am capable of showing mercy and Ive a real big heart. Compassion and empathy is something that cant ever be taught.. When I was a Psychology student way back my professor (God bless his soul) told me I would be a very good psychiatrist/psychologist someday all I need to know is pacing the other and what u call the ability to empathize. I know how EMPATHS could be attracted to NARCISSISTS. How the dark souls can prey upon us but we have more than the power to rise above their very weak ego boundaries. I knew Ive done the right thing and yes I got an angry reaction, rage to put it bluntly, GRRRR to put it exactly. But I never retaliated and just left the conversation quietly wo even blocking him. While Ive no idea if he did, the pain of being cheated on is still there but I was able to prove to myself that I am capable of doing acts that never asks for anything in return.
I think, in general, a narcissist, sociopath, and psychopath are all basically the same things… The only difference is that a psychopath tends to be sadistic whereas the narcissist and sociopath are just indifferent and uncaring… They are three versions of the same thing with the psychopath being the worst… But, in general, they are all the same…
It's funny how this one narcissist woman I know operates. Everytime I get tired of her antics I tell her I'm staying away from her or I'll just ignore her calls. THEN she'll shame me into continuing the friendship by saying the phrase "real friends don't……". As if I'm suppose to buy this bullcrap. LOL
I guess you COULD add that to narcissistic personallity. But then again I know people like that who AREN'T. They're just users. lol
QUACKS LIKE A DUCK….they can and will use you for ANYTHING you can think of, including pretending not to be gay, pretending they are in a relationship, pretending people like them, use you to make them look god, or use you to act as if they are YOUR victim!!my ex treated me like crap and when I left e got lots of sympathy fucks from all and sundry. Only those who knew me independently of him knew what was really going on. They use projection to turn you into who they need you to be….
SOCIOPATH, NARC – WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?
Can you say that narcissistic supply can also mean using people for any sort of beneficial gain, such as labour, money or "things". The narcissist I am thinking of only seems to be "friends" with people who they can use and/or take advantage of.
Thank you for your recent video, I really appreciate your insight. I am currently going through detaching from my daughter who is a narcissist sociopath. It is very difficult for me as I always thought I could overcome her behavioral disorder with consistency and love. This is killing me because she is pregnant with my first grandchild. While I have know this for a while, I was hoping to avoid the no contact ever again. Any suggestions?
So many of my questions have been answered by these videos, thanks Sam.