The narcissist has no empathy for the people around them. The narcissist’s only interest is on himself. Visit HealthyPlace for in-depth information on Narcissism, …
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The Indifference of the Narcissist
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There is no empathy, mercy, or emotion, only empty shell. Its as if there is no one home, no light on. You are correct complete indifference and no genuine care for others feelings.
I can understand why PTSD would be a potential beginning stage of NPD. Society has a habit of excluding or devaluing individuals who are not emotionally and psychologically stable… Even people who are both emotionally and psychologically stable are excluded from groups or companies who themselves could be classed as NPD ish… … … So I can understand why people with trauma would mask or hide vulnerable aspects of themselves… The question is such individuals taking advantage or harming others… Even decent people when questioned about their abilities in the workforce, for example, can get offended and take to being aggressive…. I've met few people who were WHOLE, rather segmented and easily offended when questioned on subject matter they proclaim.
Perhaps indifference is the key for understanding sociopaths behaviors… So a coworker, friend, family member, or stranger shows a lack of empathy or indifference so the victim says to him or herself… Well no one cares so why in the world should I, and why would I want to make myself look foolish, uncertain, or vulnerable to those seeking their own self interests…
Now I understand that psychopaths are a little different in that they don't feel… or such feeling are muted or turned right down… but this does not mean these individuals do know somethings is not different… Perhaps they see a fake interest shown to them as an insult or perhaps misguided attempt to manipulate them so resentment is displayed in either a passive or active manner?
I have personally met a great many people who lacked empathy and could not care either way if their actions harmed or made other people suffer… you see this in the workforce a lot….
It is easy to label and test for NPDish behaviors but respecting others boundaries, even those with NPD, should be also called into question as pissing off others or pressing their buttons should also be attributed as passive abuse.
Personally I think public awareness is important, but on the other hand this is a subject that is best left for professionals in a clinical environment… Non professionals can attribute their own views easily and mirror expected emotionally or psychological responses or have the other person's responses be negative or abusive.
This is my opinions on the subject, I am not saying abuse of any nature is except able. However, no one is calling into question is the victims causing their environment to be hostile, unfriendly, apathetic, or unfair to the abuser who acts out by showing NPDish traits…
Thank you for the post.
The vast majority of sociopaths are female. It's nice that you default to 'he' to keep it polite. But it doesn't reflect reality.
Just remember, please: Even if it is to satisfy the ego and to be called a hero, we would still die for you. There is an enormous difference between arrogance and narcissism. Arrogant people don't feel empathy. Narcissistic ones do. In this video, you talk about the extreme of when a narcissist shuts down and goes cold.
Also, why the angry tone at the end? Do you feel threatened by alpha traits that were never triggered in you? You are not just warning others about narcissists, you are shielding yourself from people stronger than yourself. I know this about you because you, too, are human.
what a great author he is. I admire his use of the english language.
Brilliant. Thanks Sam.
LACK OF EMPATHY <——KEY TRAIT. Excellent description. I find it so sad that children are treated so badly early on that they turn into this. What a terrible loss of a person.
It seems there are more of these people in the world today or maybe our world is becoming more a fertile ground in which they can now expose themselves. I believe the Media has a lot to do with this. Glamorizing self focus, a sense of entitlement amongst celebrities does not help. Anyone who has these underlying traits are feeling free to be themselves in real life. I also believe more of them are being born and bred. Hard to know why they are all around us, but we have to stay prepared, aware, and on guard. This is the reason I listen to Sam Vaknin. He is The Expert on this subject offering a training course of sorts to avoid them. And avoid them, we must. Of course if related to them, we have to walk/run away. No fixing them, just avoid them. Know when and where to run, always have an exit plan, if you are married, or otherwise involved with one or more of them. I was there and I thought I could control the situation. Now I know the situation all too well and losing control of your life is part of their game. They will win at all cost to you and to themselves. They will carve off their own noses to spite their face. Winning for them is everything and life is a game. If you remain too long, you either die or wish you were dead. It is a rabbit hole and all you can do is get away ASAP!
Excellent, thank you so much.
What if this is me? What if i am well aware of my capacity to use people only for my benefit and I don't see a point in them otherwise? What if I don't see a point in myself in the same vein? What's the solution to that?
No gifts for narcissists this year!
Sounds exactly like my father. I was discarded completely when I developed severe depression and wound up completely unable to work or comply with any of his thinly veiled expectations of me.
Your videos are very informative and have given me a lot of insight and helped me cope. Are narcissists prone to addictions such as gambling?
This vid may be my new favorite in Sam's terrific series. The "Drug Addict" analogy works perfectly.
Tremendous post this. Out of all your posts this one stuck out as the most informative and enlightening. Thanks.
My daughter, like her father is a complete narcissist. She is only nice to me when she needs something and when done treats me like a piece of garbage. I have tried so hard to be good to her in spite of her behavior but am at the end of the road. I know I have to walk away to save my sanity and because I simply don't deserve this demeaning cruel attitude and behavior but find it difficult because she is my daughter. She is now pregnant and is due in June. I want to tell her not to call or write to me, to forget me.
soo true. hidden aggression
as a result, I let myself down. great irony, huh? and yet, despite behaving like this for decades, I have changed.
there is no way to know what all of reality is. It is beyond our ability to observe or understand. essentially, we are like nothing more than a piece to a clock, or a greater process.. just one part of it. anyone can connect to this reality, the only thing that can prevent this understanding, is thought. in my case, I chose to think that people will always let me down.. and yet, I don't know all people. so i get resentful when I think people are letting down, and refuse to share.
total recovery is impossible for most of us. It may seem the case that there is nothing wrong with you, or most people, because something like a narcissist or a psychopath seems so much worse.. but their behavior is no more habitual than almost everyone else on this planet. Likely, you consistently respond to a trauma that once happened to you, habitually.. in my case, I respond with resentment. the source of my trauma was betrayal. I can never fully recover, but I am not the same as I was.
I would disagree with the idea that narcissists can't be healed. obviously, when the damage is very deep and long term, total recovery is impossible.. but the idea that they can't be reached, and can't come to reality, is not true.
acting through your emotions is not a physical condition, it is entirely a choice. to refuse rationality, to refuse to make the choices that will allow you to better express your true nature, all choices. rather than cling to the now, and make the choices that best suit the moment, your emotions drive your thoughts, this can happen to anyone, and it is a choice. Every single one of us develops a habitual response to trauma. All of us, make no mistake. You are no better than the narcissist.
I'm curious if you have linked narcissism (anti-codependence) to Codependence? And if so, please provide a link? Ty!
Summer….my gosh your comment was like reading words I wrote myself….My NPD ex would change in 10 seconds from charming Don Juan to the most cold & evil mutant the next…I believe he can not face himself therefore hr developed the coping technique of his pathological lying
BabyPuma…I feel your pain…there are stages you will go thru on your way to healing one day from the trauma these types cause their victims….It has been 3 years since my divorce to the Pathological NPD ex that had me TOOOOTALLY TRICKED THEN TRAPPED FOR FIVE VERY LONG YEARS!
HE IS NOTHING CLOSE TO THE FAKE PERSONA HE MADE UP JUST TO MANIPULATE AND TRICK ME INTO DATING & MARRYING HIM WAAAAAY TOO QUICKLY..I am still NOT EVEN CLOSE to being healed enough within myself to simply believebin love
Michael…you are 100% correct!
Divorce will save your life from this person.
Thankc you.
OMG, this is so horrible to have to acknowledge about my 'strange' guy. It's making me almost want to throw up. 🙁
This is my ex—it's frightening. How someone could tell you they love you & then tell you they don't want to be with you 20 minutes later & refuse to even speak to you is mind boggling. I am not sure if he's a narc or if he's just a liar & a coward & can't face what he's done.He can't get by on his own—he seeks approval, attention & edification from all of his "friends". He even told people that his father was dying to get attention & that he had an ulcer to garner sympathy. He's a sick man.
Narcissitc and codependent people and their parents/family tree maybe Celiac…so they may have learned behaviors to cope…but they may get worse in time due to Celiac getting worse. Tests may not work to diagnose it. This is why they may not get better by counseling…it is a physical issue that needs to be fixed…then the brain/body can work right again.
Do you have MS? Men may leave after 10 years of an MS person being sick. One man ran away with the caretaker. I have MS…suppress it by no gluten/dairy/soy/sugar…vitamins/good oils and LDN, EDTA/DMPS IV chelation, Vit B12 methylcobalamin shot and more. Narcissistic and MS people may be Celiac. Tests may not work to diagnose it. Celiac can affect body/brain. My marriage made me more sick. I am divorced. My husband didn't help me….I felt abandoned.