The Narcissist DOO DOO Test Pt 2 – Proving yourself trap!
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The Narcissist DOO DOO Test Pt 2 – Proving yourself trap!
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For my parents, "bad people" were thieves, murderers, child molesters, rapists and liars. They didn't understand that there was more to it than just evil deeds. Nobody in my family knew about personality disorders. So I lived a whole lifetime before I understood what a truly "bad person" is. Narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths and such. I survived a few. Now I am teaching my mother. She is shocked.
These people are the human embodiment of human evil. Demons in skin suits.
I married my Narc and after the divorce I learned about Narcissist, looking back I see the red flags when we were dating. Jealous, didn't believe me, anger, oh and sweet , affectionate, accusing me of stuff I wasn't doing. When married: 12 yrs, I could never please him truly, I could never make him happy, turned myself into a pretzel for him and still not good enough. I was always trying to prove myself to him, walking on eggshells. James your videos are great. And yes I have a very little family a prime target.
Narcissist are Liars, Liars, Liars… But hide behind a thin veil of truthfulness normal people don't do this
My dog fell in a small lake..I jumped into the water to take it out and my wonderful narc male friend humiliated me in front of everyone saying I was an idiot and I had caused the accident. Like that. Out of the blue. It just seemed right to him to take that occasion to devalue me in front of people. My dog is fine and we no longer interact with the guy.
your videos really give me confidence to validate my own experience
your videos really give me confidence to validate my own experience
I been married for 25 yrs with narcissist. And I put up with it because I had 4 children by this person. He had motorcycle accident I took care of him when no body else would because he was so out of control I stood with him day & night with him go seeing what he was going through I stood by him. yes I it met I loved him. But when it came time for me to go though women problems that I could have die because it was the first time doctors did it. two weeks after a mayor operation. he was laying me on my bed stood in front of it. and said I wish you were dead I'm tired of being with the same women for so long. that when my eyes open that he not mentally sick he knows exactly what he was doing and he did this for yrs but excuse his behavior as mental illness. I put a divorce on him now he doesn't want a divorce. when before he was intimating me telling me to leave. doing shows so he could do what he really wanted to do.which was talk to his ex's that was visiting in Orlando and would say he wanted to see her and wanted to be with her. now he found out she had moved on. now he wants me to drop the divorce I think it because he looking for another supply.
another common doo doo test these shit heads do is to have you in constant demostration that you know what you know. Say that you have studied medicine, you have to be constantly proving that you know what you are talking about, when in the love bombing stage they seemed to admire you so much and get so much knowledge and help from you, but out of a sudden you seemed to not to know so much. And if you make a mistake in something OMG OMG that will be their "proof" that you don't know that much and they always had "reason". While they do this they'll ask you all kind of questions to see if you get insecure or contradict yourself, and at the same time they just seem to be more an expert than you or they will mention a person they know who studied the samething as you like if they know best and see if you take this to do it over and over untill you realize and leave or brake you down into pieces and put yourself into professional failure
Actually, the narcissist husband I have will say that I don't love him AFTER he gets caught lying during a talk. When I tell him I love him he will say "no you don't.". But I say this to him as well because since the first time he said he loved me he'd DO the just the opposite. I felt used by him and a trophy wife. He was horrible to me and abused me in most of the ways a narc can ecspecially gas lighting and going into rages and denying he'd say things completely. This may seem small but… I left the house this morning and came back.. I noticed his side of the bed was made. I asked him why would he just make up his side. He said he didn't make it up. Lol this has happened 3 times. But how can someone that loves you say things to bring you to your knees such as "My mom killed herself- take a hint!" Or "You deserved to be molested when you were 8" ??
My narcissist does exactly the same to everyone he works with, he picks random fights with his boss, coworkers, people on the street in cars, his family, friends. Like as if he is possessed by the devil himself. Very scary stuff. He also openly shares this with me and finds it very entertaining at least. He is also very lonely and paranoid at times. A couple years passed since then and now he is a con artist, he steals things from other people and then keeps it to himself (Hoarding?) Also he now only watches channels about shoplifting and criminal related……I have know this person for 15 years, and i think he is now going to end up in jail. He told me he wants to go to church and not be that way he is. He also developed a drug and alcohol problems and i think he is suicidal. He also has this dead stare in his eyes and constantly focuses on himself, like if he doesnt get something he has rage and mood swings. He tried to brainwash me over the phone and try to con me for some money so he could get his drugs. I think he is truly mad. I went no contact exactly 1 year ago and i don't think it will end well for him unfortunately. Very Sad Story
It's true. Nothing you do or say will ever be good enough for them. You can bend yourself into a pretzel for them and it still won't be good enough.
Hello, great video, thank you.
From my personal experience I often fall in that sort of doo doo test, with members of my narcissistic family and especially in relations with my narcissistic father. He for many years pushed on the same button of neglect and ignore. Saying that he loves me but by the actions neglecting me, due that I had huge problems, I even had to move out from living with him to another country, and got tons of stress and other devastating problems, it’s a long story. So, this subject is very painful for me, and he perfectly knows that. But I fall and fall in that trap, because every time he do this, like he do not ask me how I am, and how my life is going, am I healthy or not etc. – no curiosity and interest in my life, at the same time for hours lecturing me about his stuff, and making form me his personal psychoanalytic. So what I’m trying to say, I countless times tried to talk about that issue – why he for months and months show no any interest in my safety, my life, my career etc. – I always got some lame excuse – gaslight, like he is a victim of something, like he really really wants to know all about me but something prevents it, some really lame and incoherent fallacious explanations, pity ploys, like some circumstances force him to ignore and neglect me –and I’m buying that, countless times tried to analyze that with him, to talk about my feeling, and how I feel when he do this, asked him to start asking me about my life, even become angry and emotional after such treatment, tried to prove my point, got promises to change, but nothing changed. All continued the same. And with other abusers I got that same week spot, they abuse me and as next step present themselves as a victim of circumstances, that they are not bad abusive people who like to hurt, no they a just a victims of circumstances, they have some a respectful reason to act like that. And I can’t judge them, and should forget and forgive, and help them with situation. And after my help and investment of time and effort and emotions everything will be fine!
So back to father, I’m wondering what it is? Why he keeps doing that, perfectly knowing how it upsets and pisses me off ? Could it be a baiting for negative supply?
Thank you
my mom once said, "it seems like you just loveee justice." I was like okayyy, and…? isn't that an awesome quality?? she tried to spin it like an insult.
you can tell a narcissist a simple story, and they will go about trying to pick it apart, as if they were playing a game in which you have to prove to them that you are telling them the truth! and they are lying bastards to begin with! how ridiculous, that an honest person should feel responsible to demonstrate that they are truthful to someone who routinely lies! but, that is the deliberate and intentional game they are playing! it is perverse, but it makes them feel powerful, supreme, and triumphant!
they try to put you in a one down position, in order to make themselves out to be above you, in an effort to have you seeking to validate yourself to them, which gives them all the power and control. it is a game of "negging", or devaluation. if they know that you are very honest, then they will demand that you show them receipts if you spend a single dollar on their behalf! it is a game of knocking you!
Thank you for these videos, James. I am now 6 months into no contact with my abusive, narcissistic family. The main instigator of abuse in my matriarchal family of origin is my grandmother, who is a very vicious, heartless & cruel woman. I recently moved to an area which was near to my family of origin & originally, she was very sweet & kind to me, giving me lot’s of compliments & encouragement. Then one day out of nowhere, it was like a switch had been flipped & she transformed into this vicious demon filled with venomous hatred towards me. In hindsight, I now know this was the ‘doo doo test’. My crime to deserve her explosive rage, emotional & verbal abuse? I did not answer her telephone. It was one of the most verbally violent encounters I have ever had with another human being in my entire life. I did defend myself in the midst of her unprovoked, vicious assault against me, although not as strongly as I would have liked. What was most alarming to me about she had done, is how she seemed to feed off of the pain, distress & harm she had just inflicted on me. After she had dumped all off her rage onto me with the attack, she picked up a glass of water, drank it proudly then gave a very evil smirk. This single event, combined with many other prior smaller instances of subtle & covert abuse, was the final trigger for me to say enough is enough & cut off all contact with her & the enablers.
Sometimes a test is far more subtle. Or I am becoming more keenly aware of red flags. For instance I was chatting with a man and he was kind of love bombing me but not bad just allot of emails which can also be found in healthy relationships at the beginning, so we chatted a few days then I gave him my phone #, we talked once and then he nearly went ghost, he would send me like one email or two emails a day, doing the crumb thing, and I was just like, oh no you don't so I made myself super busy with other projects and a day or two later he called again and I am so soft and all that I would have answered the phone but I missed the call and I'm glad. You can't give somebody a certain level of intimacy, lay it on thick and then just retreat and then come back and pretend, ok where were we? NO. He is not getting back in. I would never treat anyone like that especially someone I may potentially want to date or even marry. And he was cute too dangit… lol
another gud video. insightful talk. sadly the victims suffer the most when the narc is family
yikes! so true!!!
Arguing with a terminator robot is incredibly accurate. I've been doo doo tested by 2 ex narcs and my narc father. I took A LOT of bullshit and played their games… I grew a spine and quit being the target of their games… it's incredibly difficult to leave these people and cut contact but wouldn't you be more happy with a partner that compliments your look going out together instead of commenting how late you are? or hold your hand and say I love you in public instead of arguing to get off? if you let them keep doing it, it gets worse… my first ex narc tested me all the time, I wasn't smart enough to know what he was doing at that time, it led to emotional and physical abuse…
now i wish i could save my younger brothers from experience the same situation i had before. can i stop a narcissist with me being a narcissist too?
Another great video James. Think I am definitely getting the hang of it.
At work the other day I was assigned a job with another person, had started that job, and my co-worker came in and stated that she wanted to do this job, she hadn't done it for a long time and she was entitled to it and just swooped in and took it. Her monotone comments went on and on. My work partner and I had to defer to her. Next day she was complaining to another co-worker about it as she walked passed me. Didn't even acknowledge me. Later she was sleazing around me being nice as pie. I came home and deleted her off my FB page. That's me done!
And by the way she's always talking about how f^&*ed up her adult children are – one's in gaol, one's got psych problems – always sponging off her and not responsible. Gee, I wonder why.
Cheers
CatB
Don t kindle a fire you cannot extinguish
On a macro scale it reminds me of the modern left. They humiliate, destroy the character of anyone who opposes their dogma. Project their toxic behaviour. Twist the facts, make up lies and push them onto others. Even though they are wrong, they never give up or admit it, they exhaust you until you quit arguing; therefore they "win by default". Truly sycophantic manipulative psychopathics. Wolves in sheep clothing.
a "to- do" list that can never get done, or its never right, and ,,,,,your just lazy ,, im self centered
My doo doo test was a bit different. He would pine over lost loves and watch me run around crazy trying to blot those memories out of his mind. 7 years later I quit and divorced him.
Excellent!!
Very good video. You have to just walk away, and you're right…when they see that you are emotionally well balanced, they leave you alone.
The problem is….when they are supposed to be with you, they aren't 10mins late, they are hours late because they are busy cheating on you. When you ask why they didnt let you know they were going to be an hour late and you are holding dinner for them, well they don't understand why you are being such a bitch. When you go to Mexico on a vacation you had planned before them, they are cheating on you. For a year you are being told you are paranoid, but see hundreds of phone calls to their ex, and a text from her calling him a liar, and now she finds out he is moving in with me. His reply to her, "what are you talking about?" One year later, everything I knew to be true came to light. Who's fault is it? Mine, because I didnt call him from Mexico at exactly midnight. Yes, I did, he didnt answer. Why because he was sleeping. He was drunk. He was having sex with her is the truth, but its all my fault, or the alcohol. He didnt even remember it. Blah Blah Blah. Everytime you know what the truth is, I'm crazy. I'm a liar. If I didnt do what I did, he wouldnt do what he does. This is CRAZY! It NEVER STOPS! When he wasnt playing me, he was playing her. I cannot even begin to tell you the things he has done to me when I have tried to walk away. He is now up on battery charges, and its MY FAULT TOO! NUTS!
Wow This Is What It Does Dr.Phil Shall Physically see proof of the game.
Always good stuff, but just call it what it is a SHIT test. A SHIT !!! TEST !!! SHIT. The typical American mother today is a bully who shits all over her sons.
Do you ever see those Narc's that walk around with that dismissive, condescending looks on their face? That's the only red flag I need and i'm done with them.
MY family puts me through the third degree all the time and it is FATIGUING! Did it to me when I was little and they STILL do it. You're right, we were primed for that. Old habits die hard, but we have to put an end to explaining our actions to the narc (or anyone else for that matter) if we want to finally move on from our role as the scapegoat. The name "doo doo test" is appropriate. I had a "friend" who used to call me random names out of nowhere and for NO good reason; they would all involve "fecal language." Now, I fully GET what she was trying to do. These people are pathetic pieces of garbage that get off on sh#t like that, "apropos."
Thank you so much