The Narcissistic abuser will keep their friends at a safe distance from finding out what’s really going on in the family dynamic as not to revel the dysfunction.
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The Narcissistic’s Social Circle
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Oh my goodness…you've brought tears to my eyes. Somebody has finally spoken my heart and life! I wish you were around years ago! Thank you. I wish I could just sit, have coffee & talk w/u! I've been a shut in caring for my mom who is dying. My narc husband talked her into coming out to visit. Six years later she's still here with Alzheimers. She's bedridden so I have to take care of her 24 seven. He says I do nothing and nothing and worth nothing. He was taken out of the house, due to domestic abuse & being an alcoholic abusive husband who is the worst narcissistic, misogynist ever! Ive never felt more alone & wonder Y I'm still here. And who wants to hear the same old thing from a shut in caring for a dying parent? If not for my faith & furry friends, I wouldn't be here. Thank you so very much for doing this video as it does give me hope!
Do they really "REMEMBER" what they've done to us as they approach their death? How can this be when they have no conscience or feelings? What would be the point of acknowledging or remembering?
The whole clenching of fists shows his pain and frustration. But looking at his face shows that what ever goes around comes around
I'm 43 and just starting to realize what is wrong with my mother, your videos are shining such a big light on my whole life! I was adopted when I was 5 years old (she probably did it to look good and not for wanting a child). I always felt that she never loved me, everything is always about her, she somehow manipulated the entire family and put them against me, she's such a great actress! It hurt me so much…I understand now how much her subtle poison ruined my life and my relationships. I moved to London 15 years ago (I'm originally from Italy), one of the reasons to get away from her and couldn't understand how she never asks me to go visit, the opposite actually and thanks to you now I get it, she wants to keep me away cause God knows what she tells about me and she doesn't want me to tell the truth! She loves playing the victim and the mother who worries about me but when she calls me she doesn't even ask how I am, she talks only about herself! Just yesterday after another episode in which she made me feel once again unloved and unwanted I told her that I'm done and I don't want to be in touch with her anymore. I was feeling sad and guilty, I tried it in the past, but then I feel bad and I think I should forgive her and be the bigger person…but now I'm learning the truth and I think I finally deserve freedom. I thank you with all my heart <3
So true I wish I had known it before !
When our relationship went sour and I began to be very depressed, anorexic and anxious, I wondered why the narcissist wouldn't tell people about it. We were having these crazy arguments lasting for hours and I thought a third party opinion was needed. He would tell it was all bullshit. Of course it was to him, he would've been exposed.
I've experienced when you figure out something is totally not right, you then become their target (correction; was their target before I figured it out) and when they are your neighbor….and can't get away…. 3+ years of hell.
I'd just like to add that at least half of the money was my mom's. But he didn't give me any & I didn't ask either.
Thank-you! By giving words to my feelings, I don't feel crazy anymore. I was the golden child and the scape goat. He had no children, I was my mother's only child. He used me to look good when he dated my mom. Things were going fine til after they married, mom sold our house & then it just seemed to go downhill after they got their new house. She enabled my step-father's behavior for 21 yrs. When my mom got cancer & died, my step-dad didn't give me a dime of any of the money (he had over $500,000.) He quickly married someone else & moved to another state. I cannot tell you how badly I want to contact his new wife & her adult son and tell them to RUN! But I don't b/c something inside me tells me that I'll end up looking like the bad guy. I'm still recovering from the damage he did.
Bang on…my experience exactly. When my dad passed away only two people phoned my narc mother with condolences. None of her friends ever called again.
Thank you so much for this. You will never know how much this has helped my and my brother, we thought we were alone! you are so wise and we really needed this to show the rest of our family that what our mother is has a name and that it is not that she is a headstrong woman, but that she is batshit crazy! I am going to start my own vlog as therapy as well, you have inspired me. Respect!
Very true! I am the scapegoat, oldest in a family of 7 kids. The brother second in line has been the golden child from the beginning. I always knew something was wrong with our "perfect" family but I didn't know exactly what. My golden child brother is a narc himself. And maybe the rest down the line. My youngest brother is the only one open to the truth. My covert narc mom has no friends. She is extremely poisonous and has brainwashed the whole family and extended family.
Fall 2015 I was reading Emotional Blackmail and came across a description of NPD and my life made sense for the first time. Now I am in therapy. The boundaries I have laid were ignored so we are now in a no contact situation.
I am determined to stop this curse. There is no way my children will be touched by her poison and I am healing.
Wow! Sounds like……..
All my N Mom cares about is money and having friends with money. The people that she worked for or her friends, if they were from the rich side of town she LOVED them! Why couldn't I be like them? Why didn't I marry a man with money? All she cares about is money. Always worried about money, counting pennies. Holding money over my head as I was a single mother and often needed help with my daughter. It was money. If she helped me financially I was now beholden to her, had to be on call for every little need or whim of hers. She changed friend groups often, people figure her out pretty quickly if they are smart enough and see through her manipulation and passive aggressiveness.
+NarcissimSurvivor i dont know if im saying this right, but as long as i can remember i think ive been exposed to such social circles, which isnt good in the least. oddly enough, they seem to spread all over around me, while i always seem like im the incursion to them for being simply weird, which isnt purely bad or good and has formed a stronger bond with me as the years passed by. the point is…. i have been facing difficulty with such groups, can you tell me how can a single person who wasnt into any social group whatsoever or otherwise formed a true deep bond with someone overpower such social circles, i know that we all have this narcissistic thing inside us, and that it only becomes a problem when its your sole focus to base your relationships on people that kind of only praise you. however, i only trust free people, but i dont know how to free imprisoned people, i dont even know how to free myself first but thats another story.
Is it possible to go from being the "Golden Child" to becoming the scapegoat?
Thanks and God Bless!
Just realizing I have a sibling who is a narcissist. Charming and popular. Has circled wagons around rest of family and friends I'm thoroughly confused as to why I am iced out of functions and not invited. This extends to rest of my nuclear family. It was so confusing until I've begun to realize that I'm the scapegoat of something. No idea. Gaining better understanding. I believe my crime is just a sense of competition on the part of my sibling. Period. It's a one sided competition. And I. must be defeated.
The golden child, my brother is an abusive, woman hating, alcoholic drunk. His ex wife was my best friend and she passed in Jan. She was my support because she really knew and empathized for what I had lived in. She had lived in it also. After I lost her I found you guys, and am forever grateful. So thankful to label the madness I grew up in and to know I really was NOT the crazy one. NC for six years and counting. Thank you so much for leveling with us about "shouting from the rooftop". I have a book full of letters but never sent one, and so glad I did not. TYSM
this was the most conforting vid for me as a scapegoat. my narc is already 67 and hes showing and hás shown eactly what You described. always family to one side, friends to another, except for the golden child, of course. now the golden child has a daughter and the narc is always trying to get his supply from her whenever possiblevel, but the golden child is actually awakened and know he is fucked up, even though she is also fucked up herself. thus the narc is slowly succumbing into nothingness, craving for pitty, or any kind of supply, waiting for a moment to see someone within his circles which are fading each day….thats so sad. but i can almost relate to this as a kind of revenge i cannot take for myself
Amazing vid.
Most of this, I felt when I was 8.. He was very abusive when I was young. I'm 18 now, and doesn't have a social circle and until now, I was fine with. Numb to it. Even now, I think about it; and I don't feel a thing. Though, he doesn't have a social life anymore… but he always has something to do.
Thank you for this! So true, thank God I am not alone!
I am going to be completely honest: I was so desperate and in despair; I was at "that" point; I begged God to help me. He did!!! He led me to these sites and it has been uphill ever since; and it takes faith!!! Job suffered 21 years; same as me; I call myself "Jobess"; the female Job; heard all of the yacking in my own mind, on top of all of the stress. I absolutely promise you that if you ask God, your real Father, to help you, He will! I have serious health problems, I actually asked God to take my life; then regretted it, because I would never consider asking such ignorance in my own mind; I was desperate. I just want a normal life, and I can now see "the way out." I am responsible for my own life and I am going to do everything I can to improve it. I absolutely forgive the narc; he doesn't know any better. He has improved with time and age, but for me, I don't prefer to just kick back and forget, I want real change; a real life!! Read 1 Peter 4: 12-13; Life is a test!!! This is a test and I am going to pass it. I have learned so much, and you will come out a better person for all of your suffering and pain and sacrifice. I am working so hard on my health and if God permits I will come out of all of this a better and stronger person. At least now I know whom and what to avoid!!!!
After a couple of years of such fantastic friendship and, now understanding and wisdom, I can only say, and laugh while I am saying the following: "A narcissist is a person who is an after-thought of the original person before they stuck their finger in a light-socket." And, if that is what you want for company, or you are stuck, that is what you are stuck with. You may even have forgiven them; found peace; laughed a little to yourself; watched the narcissist in amazement and they create more chaos; but the fact remains; they are fried!!!!! At least "baked" is better!! Better yet, try some raw food; the real deal!!! Metaphors intended. Blessings all; "all things pass": George Harrison/The Beatles.
respect my brother
my father – the narcissist – did this throughout his life.. still does..
I have little hope that my ex's friends will find out and it makes me furious.. Only his ex girlfriends (including myself) and his family know how sinister he is… His friends exhault and praise him all the time and it makes me sick, rotten to the core.
Thank you for articulating my situation to such a clear degree that I can stand on my own and accept that the truth will never out. It is so hard when there are children and mutual friends involved. I have to continually keep up my guard and keep my discoveries to myself. I thought I had a friend in the circle who suffered the same indignities but I found out that she was withholding information also and a part of my ex-husband's efforts to make me look and feel crazy. I will stand on my own with dignity and grace despite this recent setback.
dude you're awesome. thanks a lot, this is of much value to me, really helpful. much love