The One Question You Need To Determine If A Narcissist Is A Narcissist.
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That scene IS incredibly boring, it's a police interrogation scene, that is ALWAYS boring, and the only time anyone would not be waiting I patiently for it to end is when it's inserted into a commentary about narcissism. Even if I was watching the movie itself I would probably find that scene boring. And the replicant does do what an overt narcissist would do – ask completely irrelevant questions that prove he is incapable of having basic conversation such as "Which desert?".
Good Will Hunting is a movie that I had originally wanted to see, probably because of the actors, but yet again you have an INCREDIBLY boring scene, and if the whole movie is like that then I definitely do not want to waste time to see it when there are so many other good movies on the list to see. How in the slightest is this scene "so much real human emotion"? They are talking about PAST girlfriends in an incredibly vague way, and are doing nothing emotional. There's some great movies with tons of emotion. Such as
The Butterfly Effect. This guy is just talking about some girlfriend he has in the past, like, "I knew this girl one time.". He literally called her "this girl". Clearly he, somehow, has had a girlfriend yet does not even consider her a major part of his life! If your GIRLFRIEND is considered "not a major part of your life" then obviously you have no idea about actual life/love at all! These scenes picked out as examples is fucking ridiculous… do you know why she said they are boring, it's because they're fucking BORING. If you think that making extremely vague allusions to "this one girl this one time" is an "emotional" scene that should be making emotions in the viewers… then you know nothing about actual emotion, apparently can't even conceive of the concept of actually having details and actually having real emotions, and almost tempted to call you a narcissistic yourself! Because who the fuck could think that some guys randomly sitting around talking about "this girl they knew this one time" who somehow was not even important to use her name or a better description of her even though she was his girlfriend, is "emotional" or "some great human experience" etc. when real, actual emotional scenes exist like Jack dying (Titanic) and …. fuck, there are Disney movies that elicit more emotion then that! "About A Boy" even.
This question won't work. A covert narcissist will have a lot of answers. I am not a narcissist, but I will have no answers. I am not perfect, but there is nothing particular that I need to change, and this is true of several people – mainly anyone who has real empathy, can also follow logic, and is also either intelligent or working to become intelligent.
What if it is a family member and you have to learn how to talk and deal with them. + they are bipolar I really need to learn how to deal with my brother. Not run from him. thanks
A narcissist would answer the question with how they think you or others need to change (at least my nmom would).
strange. i'd could answer this question with 200 pages of a book i'd write cuz i feel imperfect and unfinished and in my deepest opinion i think that everybody including me should work on her-/himself, a work that will only ever be finished by death, not by reaching any state of perfectness or whatever. however, i'm a narcicisst. personally i think 99% of the 'spot the narcicisst' crap on yt is bs and dangerously shallow. additionally, it seems too many ppl coming from a crashed relationship seem to blame it ALL on their narcicisstic partner. how cheap is that?
Have you had a person who you originally didn't believe to be a narc. Turn and then tell you that you are a narc and that you're gaslighting them. This person was also in school to be a counselor and a "healer". This mirroring that you speak of was typical of our arguments, also believing that everything that I do is some sort of passive aggressive leading on behavior. Meanwhile doing the same material. I got to the point I was so confused that I didn't know which way was up. We have since broken up and she says "call me when you have something to offer". She keeps referring me to codependent books and self help books. argh my brain is mush.
Yeah I had a friend who's a narc and she was complaining to me about what her ex-boyfriend said to her as a goodbye when they broke up. He said "be the best you- you can be" and she got pissed and offended about that because she literally said she was perfect and didn't need to change and who was he to judge her anyway. lol
She's a sly one though, she's was a psych major (although now she's in grad school for computer science) but she'd never let on that she is actually really horrible at understanding people on an empathetic level. She's so good at faking human emotions and always knows just what to say, but it's all calculated. After knowing her for over 10 years the jig is up, and I can see the cracks in her facades (I use plural because she has many). I almost feel like warning people whenever she suckers someone new into her life because everyone thinks she's so great at first and it never ends well, but I just stay out of it because I have mostly broke contact with her.
both are overrated movies.
This was great, one of your best, so far, i love that question, in what ways do you feel you need to grow and change, i will use this often, so thank you for that, it will become useful to me. I watched both of the films you talked about, years ago. Both are good films, blade runner, was facinating, and my faveriout was good will hunting, i cried so much, when i saw the scene where will broke, down, while robin williams, said its not your fault. It really struck a cord with me, as i came from an abusive broken home, i identified with good will hunting, so much. Years later after suffering a physically violent, childhood, i went on to, train as a Reiki healing therapist, to learn to better, understand, myself and to learn how to help others, during this process. i began having, counselling, i had cognative, behaviour therapy. This really helped me and opened my eyes to my inner world, i never forgot what i learned, out of this, today i use what i gained from this to help others, to this day forward. I continue to learn about my self developement, and inner growth, i swore to myself, that i would never become a victim, i wont allow my past experiences of an abusive childhood, to define me, or to cloud my judgement. I continually work towards becoming the best person and the best human being i can become. My past experiences, have led me to becoming a more commpassionate, and empathic human, and im able to show, depths of understanding, too, this helps me to connect, with and identify with others, life experiences. Today ive decided, to train as a personal life coach, i feel its my purpose to give some thing back to others, and i love people, being a healing therapist is so rewarding, i want to take it a step further. i want to say, i really enjoyed this video, you always manage to make me laugh, which i enjoy while also, making your point and informing me. i did learn, some thing from this thank you for sharing this. From a listener, liverpool, england.
What if they answer that they want to learn to feel more self-accepting to truly believe they are good enough as they are?
Blade Runner is not such a bad test. As you'll recall, right before Roy's life is over he realizes empathy and saves Dekard's life. KG
I love this movie. I also am deeply moved by Will hearing it isn't his fault and I love Shaun for telling him that until he HEARS it. I talk about it to people a lot. So very powerful!
As I study this topic of how a narc thinks , I find myself amazed that you connect it to one of my all time favorite movies. Well done! The connection is sound.
Sam G is 100% correct! I was just about to say, the reaction may not be so blatantly synthetic. Many cluster b's can develope a beautiful mimicry of human compassion and empathy. It's extremely deceptive and misleading.
Also, an acquaintance of mine who comes to mind used to love the movie SLC Punk. He was so amazed by Matthew Lillard's performance. I've always thought of him as a very overdramatic over-actor. Ofcourse this is all subjective opinion, but in my eyes, it was the obviously fake emotional acting that really impressed my buddy. I guess this example holds no weight in court, but It's these small observations that will lead you to identifying toxic people
Beautiful trick, thanks
awEsome question! thanks!!
You are going to run into SHITLOADS of problems trying to box people into neat little categories all the time such as what modern so-called psychiatric science tries to do…even Sam vaknin can't quite pull off that wingdinger per se. Yet when you find that we all have these blends per se…although designations can be very useful, you need to also understand the Bible had a word with all the implications that this current DISEASE paradigm focuses on, it was known as SIN, and yeah, compassion is it's opposite, charity, they REAL ACT OF LOVE.
It's a good question for an average narcissist, except that skilled narcissists are always in uniform, and always have their masks on, even wearing them for their minions, and most always for their victims. The mask keeps the victims, as victims. It causes the victim to feel confused about questioning them, and causes the victim to wonder if they (the narcissists) are in fact just good people with a bad side. This is why victims stay victims for so long. They honestly don't want to believe that the N is an N. In my experience, a skilled narcissist is going to gladly answer the question with the happiest, 'phoniest' smile, and use the answer, to re-route the question back to those asking the question, and make it all about how 'the asker' is insecure, is needy, is a wonderful person that needs more direction etc. Non-stop critiques, and back-handed compliments to make 'the asker' feel like an idiot for even asking the question, while at the same time being distracted by the compliments thrown in the stew of distraction. It's the non-stop brain-wash cycle. You will notice that a true narcissist will be the 1st to bring up his bad qualities (the ones he can't deny), and bring them up with a hidden agenda that gives him permission to overstep your personal boundaries by bringing up everything supposedly negative about you that needs to be changed. Use CAUTION when asking those questions. These people are highly skilled and ready to make you feel good about yourself before they do a negative number on you.
P.K Dick was puzzled by the atrocities committed by the Nazis during WW2. How could people who, outwardly, seemed as human as the next person do such appalling things? That was the initial thought that inspired the book. Good stuff – you're my kind of psychologist. I've often wondered if simply asking "Do you think you are a narcissist?" might do the trick. Never understood how anyone could find either film boring. "Blade Runner" is thrilling, complex and disturbing. "Good Will Hunting" cuts through to the heart of empathy (pun intended) and provides a short road-map to growing-up. That's just my take on it. Keep up the good work, and thanks.
I don't know that this movie watcher former date of his was a narcissist but may have been on the autism spectrum, where people can't empathize but don't necessarily become master manipulators.
https://www.gofundme.com/26vrusk Please help, this is serious. I know her.
I just got this.
I am a Master Narcissist and I would simply say something that makes me look good and self-critical, like: "I aspire to be a better husband and more attentive to my wife's needs"…while NEVER caring about anyone's needs but my own, especially not my wife's.
Thanks Richard I reckon you would be able to spot my psychopathic ex despite the fact that he like other covert narcissist/ psychopaths portray themselves behind a mask of normality. My ex is a psychopath rather than a narcissist thought neither are nice to be near. I wouldn't mind you observing him undercover at work.
I doubt tricking ppl to feel empathy or rage by fabricating arbitrary hypothetical scenarios reveals anything but how personality tests can be antagonistic in nature by elicit artificial would-be responses to treat them as though they legitimize themselves. Ppl aren't that stupid. Ex: If A were watch B watching oscillating graphic erotic & violent images to test how they'd respond they'd respond differently due to being watched even without knowledge of the observer. It's even known microorganisms react to observation under microscopes which blew quantum physicists minds to find microorganism have intelligence to observe being observed. Same in testing animals in captivity; Test readings are tainted by subjects being taken out of natural habitat so they won't react to anything naturally but captivity due to the Observer Effect. Personality tests can also mislead due to observer predispositions to confirm or deny personal bias leading a desire to make observations. (Barnum Effect)
This question works for sure. I asked it to a new G/F a few years back but hadn't seen this video yet. I worded it a bit different but the response was shocking. I asked, "So what are you working on? Like where are you trying to improve or change in yourself or in life? " Talk about seeing the mask slip and then her try to recover. It was like watching a thief drop his disguise and try to put it back on in a one handed fumble.. When it slipped there was nothing but a rage filled expression …Her response was, " Nothing , Im perfectly fine just how I am" Only wish I had seen this years ago…
You are correct. A white lab. coat is unnecessary. But presenting this video sitting there in a vest? Interesting.
I feel so sorry for a narcissist.. no one will ever love them?? I think a narcissist needs lots of love and understanding.
Is this guy a qualified psychiatrist with a degree from a recognized university?
Good question, like your approach!
whew, I paused and answered this in my head before I continued watching. My answer was "to READ more and to LEARN more about facts and about life" – I guess I'm not a narcissist?? :)
A quote stuck with me for a long time now; you judge a society by how it treats its most vulnerable members. A good many years ago, after cutting all ties with a narcissist, I devised a test of my own for spotting emotionally unhealthy individuals. The question I like to ask myself is: how does this person treat its own, or other people's vulnerability. Mostly, they won't admit having any vulnerability at all, since vulnerability to them is equal to weakness, and weakness is something they find disgusting. But if they, by some chance (or for some sort of theatrics) do admit having it, how do they react? Healthy people usually are humbled by their own or other people's vulnerabilities, and try to show patience and compassion. Narcissists and sociopaths only respect power. Everything else stinks to them. That's why it's good to watch out how they act around people who seemingly don't have any power at all. Kind of like the test in Blade Runner.
My recommendation to all the good people dealing with this is – stop making these people the focus of your lives. Live your life, have fun, explore. Learn a bit from them (just a bit :)) and make yourself number one for you! :)
This guy just sounds unintelligent, and clearly thinks he is intelligent… Yeah if you didn't go to a good uni YOURE JUST NOT THAT BRIGHT and that's okay but thinking you are superiorly intelligent is a problem.. REDUCE YOUR FUCKING EGO
I think the question you're asking determines if someone is stuckup. A narcissist may tell you their aspirations of being a millionaire, several inches, taller, very strong, and better looking than anyone around him.
Too many variables,
Maybe not, I have NPD, which my psychiatrist do bielieve I developped because of my father with my appearance, high intelligence and charisma helping the whole deal. When you asked the question, I paused the video and answered "Starting to be happy". Narcissism isn't about bielieving we are perfect, it's about being self-centered and having a huge ego in order to compensate for insecurity. That question isn't really good.
Wow , just 30 seconds to reveal the question. Thumbs up!