Behind The Mask: An Introduction Into Covert Narcissism – http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01ECNSI7W/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_0YOexb1WRHJBY The Devil in I is …
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Traits Of The Covert Narcissist & Gaslighting
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Thank you for explaining so well.
9:50 — I started crying when you got to this part because I remember a female narcissist in my life who did this to me. She inveigled herself in my circle of friends (while I was vulnerable & grieving after the sudden death of my young husband). When she and I would have a disagreement — i.e. when I would not do what she wanted — she would immediately — like right after hanging up with me — call and go around to all my friends and my family members and cry and sob to them about how terrible I'd been to her. Crocodile tears, making sure they would tell me in detail how much I'd hurt her.
These mutual 'friends' would confront me on her behalf. I'd feel uncomfortable. It just felt morally wrong in a visceral skin-crawly way for me to tell them my side, about how hurt I felt by her, or repeat things she'd do and say to me in a situation that should have been just between the two of us. Yet she'd gotten in the first blow and I felt they wouldn't believe me. I started to feel like her feelings overshadowed my entire world and everyone around me, and that mine mattered not at all.
She did this until she had made it covertly clear that all of them had to choose either her or me. She told such exaggerations and lies about me that all of my friends shut me out and even my parents began mistreating me, and doing things behind my back that damaged my life and my financial stability. And this was hardly the only thing she did as she ran roughshod through that group of friends, but as I was her 'way in,' I was her first victim. People afterward would come to me and try to commiserate about how awful she was and how right I was to distance myself from her, and I thought, "Where were you when she was doing this to me? It never mattered to you until she did it to you. I don't want any part in your pity party." To me the bystanders were just useless puppets in her hands, unwilling to stand up to her or for me.
…I want to watch the rest, I just felt like it was so validating to hear this from you and maybe the right time to share my story of how hellish and ostracizing that experience was. Thank you for talking about this.
It's a horrible twisted state of mind. Narcs are control freaks with no limits or conscious because they never take any real responsibility. My advice to anyone involved with one of these cowards is pack your bags and run to the hills.
You were very on point about their behavior. I actually worked with one and eventually had to leave my job because of her. In the end, it's not worth being constantly unhappy and attacked. I leave her to Karma and I know it will be a dish she deserves!
Thank you!!!
Very true, they will come after you when they can't control you and they do it very deviously behind your back. Next thing you know suddenly people that use to like you pretend you don't exist.
I'm sorry someone like you had to deal with narcissists. You seem so chill.
Thank you!
my mother and step father are both covert narsassist. I just found out that this is a real condition. it explains so much. my siblings and I have all gone no contact. they are such dangerous people
We use "nut job" in America too. :-)
I think they are born narcissist, therapy dose not help these people, it makes them worse, and they get worse with age as well. thank you for your vid.
Congratulations on your book "The Devil In I"!!! Grateful for more awareness on the topic of covert narcissists because most people are not aware of what it is let alone how to protect themselves!!! We will check out your book!!! Thank You:):)
Please help donate so that I can attend university this summer. Thankyou <3
https://www.youcaring.com/stephanie-vezolles-547921
So damn true, all of it. Thank god I cane out alive after wasting my 5 years in to a shithole.
I've gone "no contact" due to family bullying from my entire family. The distance allowed me to listen to my Self and learn about Narcissistic abuse. Then the spin from my N sisters is that I'm the N for taking care of myself and cutting off contact. The gas lighting is unbelievable and it is so hard for me to move on and create a new life. So hard that the only defense is to walk away.
17:05 Overvaluation = "love bombing".
I really don't think anyone is born a narcissist. I think it's 100% nurture, their response to their conditioning. For example, I grew up a guy who was not a narcissist when we met at the age of 12. His environment and guardians really shook things up for him. He gradually developed and grew into a narcissist and was full blown by the time we were adults. I believe it can start very young, but I just don't believe anyone is born that way. I think the environment is the foundation.
I've personally and fortunately have never been in a relationship with a narcissist or dated one, (been pursued by some, but didn't bite back), however I have a few in my family as elders and have had a couple of bosses. Ugh! It's so hard.
Lol we Americans use the term nut job too, as crazy.
..thank you!
when does he get on with it.
when you say "even the victim" I would include "even the perpetrator". "Victim/hero" speak is a really powerful tool convincing both the victim, perpetrator and larger social circles that the narcissist is a "moral" person. Especially when the invalidation scripts are used only in a domestic setting, and then victim/hero language is used outside the domestic setting. This is a central part of theories on the social intellect, that the deceiver is hardwired to believe his own lies so as to convince others more successfully. If you come to your own diagnosis of an "altruistic narcissist", for example, you will find their constant narration of "what they do for others" is convincing themselves as much as it is their family and friends. Dominance, in the end, is used to lower the self esteem of others to enhance their own, so this only works if they don't know they are malignant.
My ex "friend" was/is a covert narcissist. Snake in the grass fits her perfectly. Her face is shaped like a snake – it's hard to explain, very creepy. She had a look of pure evil on her face the last time we were in proximity with each other. That was 2 years ago. My brother's wife is a covert narcissist too. My ex "friend" was great at sales – she was a salesperson for one of the country's leading telecommunications company. She always said how she didn't love money but she was obsessed with money. She was always telling me outrageous stories and tell me personal details about her other "friends" but I now realize that most of it was lies. She was probably spreading false stories about me and saying bad things about me behind my back. Her siblings were also narcissists but they were overt narcissists. They were grandiose but were really insecure people. I unknowingly made them feel inferior. They began to criticise everything about towards the end – from the way I talked to the work I chose to do. They hated the fact that people liked me and they worked hard to isolate from family as well as potential partners.
Good luck with your book, Aydin. I will definitely be reading it. Everyone needs to be educated about the red flags of a overt and covert narcissism. So much pain could be avoided if we are aware and trust in our own gut feelings.
I am starting to think people with aspergers are the natural enemies of narcs. We don't feed the beast the supply they need.
"not allowed to be competitive"
Yep, that's my parents.
I think its kind of cute to name one's house. I've just named my apartment… Trixi… she's a whore! Don't even think of coming in! 🙂 Boy did I narc my ex in revenge… took three years to find dirt on her but it was golden. She now wants to murder me i'm sure… tells me she wants me back after not calling me three years! My narc says she has Aspergers or Schizoid… no way… she is psychopathic.. I know because she's not just a slut but also a whore.. and also a supply-seeker. She was shy in front of me… everything spoke to her being 'quiet and subdued'. That was a the big mask. She was able to tell me she's going to sleep at 12am.. probably went out again after I left ever time. But she told me she was diagnosed ASPD… why would she tell me that? It was her biggest mistake. Now it makes sense.. honesty is dangerous to them because all their lies depend on each other. If they tell a truth almost invariably there will be consequences. Incidentally my mother's covert narcissism killed her little sister and my only brother and nobody suspects a thing,. Get this.. when my dad got arrested and lost his house and US citizenship my parents told everyone back home they had to return because I was having psychiatric problems!!! HAHAHAHA I don't care.. as long as I'm away from their insane partnership. They've a life worth of damage behind them with failures galore but few wins. My mother massacred my life inner and outer playing henchman to my father the overt violent madman. And last time we spoke she told me if I felt like killing myself to go ahead there was nothing she could do. My Mom… after she already lost her only other child in 2011 🙂 This is why even though my ex had me arrested and caused me all sorts of useless stress and could murder me then go for lunch with my best friend, she is an angel in comparison to my mother who gas lighted me for 40 years… over the two though as an adult I would take an overt narcissist 100 times sooner… overt is bullying and mean… but covert is underhanded evil. As a child my overt father was no joke, bullied and beat me and teased, but hey at least I grew up knowing him and being on guard, and it made me resilient. A covert narc teaches, we never see it happened nor coming, its two faced backstabbing sheer cruelty.
My ex girlfirend, a covert narcissist, is indeed very reclusive. She needs a lot of down and "alone" time because she has issues dealing with stress. The recurring theme with her is this knack for creating an air of uncertainty; she deploys a lot of brutal "silent treatment" tactics to leave you guessing and eviscerate you emotionally. But she has a lot of people fooled because everybody thinks that's she's cool, level-headed, and important. In reality, this cool demeanor is just and adaption for the empathy that she lacks. She has NO empathy, but she is soooo sweet and charming. A classy looking beautiful girl, and soft spoken.
I've never heard such utter nonsense as that about Covert Narcissists that is on YouTube. Take this rubbish down. It's slanderous.
like he can relate to idk if you heard of seen the movie Jennifer body where this high school girl is transformed into demon by a messed up satanic sacrifice and basically for her to remain strong and beautiful she has to feed on flesh being the highschool boys but when she's hungry and needs to feed she's ugly and weak were ugly for her cause it's mean fox but still she said that he can absolutely relate to that character of the movie
Thank you everyone for watching these videos and showing support. I appreciate all of the input and will keep trying to reply to all the messages. The Devil in I is out on Tuesday (15th feb). Go Pre-Order it on Amazon Kindle, i really hope you like it –
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01B73JP1I?keywords=The%20devil%20in%20aydin&qid=1455381246&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1
hahaha well my friend I believe is a covert and he told me he doesn't like what he's been doing that that he doesn't want to be a dishonest person anymore like he has been that he wants to change he doesn't want to be a bad person he told me he realizes and would understand if he was an is a covert narc cause he never went to therapy or a psychologist before and it's something he told me he wants to do for himself so he can fix it and if it can't be fix at least control it better cause he told me he can't keep a gf and really wants one the gfs he had in the past basically cold turkey left them and broke up with them all and treated them bad mentally
is it possible that they can not be a full covert and he does share stuff with me about his tough life with his mother and personal life
I see well let's say I know this friend of mine that has pretty much shows most of the behaviors signs and qualities of a covert the only thing is he at times thinks about the people he screwed over and hurt he told me his thoughts and when he feels the worst about himself is at night basically what I'm trying to say is he basically shows every trait of a covert just at the same time he also feels bad and guilt for what he's done so he kinda has a balance of both sympathy and covert narc.
It is a good video but some things are not correct , for example , the narc doesn't love to see you suffer , he does it , and yes he does not care about how you feel about your suffering but it is not that they do it because they want you to , it is because the want to achieve things that they make you suffer , not because they love to see you that way ! That is a mistake you make with the psychopath , psychopats love to see you suffer but narcissists do that because they want to achieve something , no matter what and they just go all over you , lacking empathy , but achieving something for their needs . I found a lot of contradictions in your video , compared to the psychopath , you seem to mix those two characters up in this video …
Sorry for ' correcting ' you ( and my bad English ) , but it isn't true ! A lot of things aren't actually … A narc only wants to achieve some things and they make you miserable because they only think about THEIR needs , when you look at the psychopath ? That one is enjoying it when you struggle , not the narc !! Big mistake ! Just my two cents ! p.s. : don't compare too much with movies …
hey I like ur videos I wanted to know I don't know if you know but could if be possible for a covert narcissist to search for help and realize there disorder?
funny I have been seeing a woman for 4 months I'm so lucky I'm in tune, gaslighting the love bombing, the mind full games ,awe man silent treatment the flirting in front of me , embarrising me ,anyway I let it go yesterday I really liked her but the gaslighting dangerous , wow good thing I trust my gut instincts.
you're not the only one dear.