Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse – click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html To preserve one’s …
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Victim of Narcissist: Move On!
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why does a narcissist act so loving and then disappear with no contact or very little and then act surprised when you get mad about it. why don't they care when you threaten to leave but when they are with you are so controlling and abusive
My mental illness is set up crazy because im mad he's telling the truth. …thanks!
Can one particular narcissist manage to find the way to emulate empathy for a time and thus go underneath the radar?
Thank you so much for your videos. I'm 4 years out but only dealing with it now through counselling, the counsellor has a particular interest in narcissism, so I was lucky to be matched with her. She directed me to you. I wish I'd gone earlier, I feel like a door has been unlocked for me, I'm practically giddy with relief. Funnily enough two sessions ago I told her I felt like I had Stockholm Syndrome. Thank you for validating that for me. And I love your piece about being grateful for the occasional magnanimous gesture, that is so me. This really helps! Thanks again.
My issue is I was driven to believe I was crazy and that I was the narcissist. I'm listening to this thinking maybe I was. In my counseling with the counselor we both went too. She went over the list and I'm not even close. I feel like I've lost my mind. The relationship is ended and I find myself wanting to go back for some sick reason. I left once as a strong person but she invited me back to which I did. There were always hoops and mazes to go through. every time I thought things were going great the rug would be pulled out from under me and I was constantly trying to fix whatever it was she were looking for. The constant fights would lead me to leaving and drinking in isolation because of my failures. This person has been separating but "baiting" enough to keep me around. I finally drank to the point I was knocking on deaths door. This person came and "saved" me. She now will not talk to me about the event. I apparently told her I hated her in this event to which I realize why I had said that. This constant pull of leave, come back, go away, come back was to much I couldn't take it anymore but couldn't say anything. So now this person is saying "I saved your pathetic ass" and "you're broken and have nothing to offer". Why do I want this person? I've just gone through the fits of rage for moving on. I feel like I can't say anything as anything I say portrays me as the narcissist or I'm blaming or victim as she has repeatedly said to me, or that I'm playing a sick game. Do narcissists keep trophys of past relationships? Is It possible to be a people pleaser and a narcissist?
Two years ago I thought this was harsh. It is 100% correct and a very good summation of traits that are shown.
Very well said Sam.Your videos are spot on and a lot of people on internet speaking of narcissist issues are referring to your statements.
You are very knowledgeable about this topic. I am a new survivor and this has helped. Thank you.
Help. Im a woman. My ex and I broke up five years ago when I found out he had been cheating me with his colleague for one whole year. I have noticed how he once or twice a year sends me an email looking for validation, with compliments or similar stuff. I think this is narcissistic behaviour. Recently he sent me a package with my old stuff and a letter telling me he had a baby (from this woman he cheated me with), and he kindly asked me if I wouldn't mind sending him a crafts book we used to have (a book that he can buy for 5dollars in any shop… why would he ask me for that?), so he can do crafts works for his baby… I don't know how to answer to that. So in short: ""I've a new baby, would you mind sending that book we used together so I can use it now with the child of this other man I cheated you with?", what should you do? I got really angry but thank god I didnt reply and havent replied yet. I think he just wanted attention now he is a father, wanted to reconcile himself with his past or something, to feel good about himself.
Thanks for your video. Wish I knew twenty five years ago what I have learned about narcissists in the last few months. Your videos have been most enlightening.
Self hating black man…blaming whitey..the one who was always cools with everyone…These people got me fucked up.
This happened to me…I am full of rage…just figured out my grandmother is a narc…now i know why he used me as the "sick one"…used me as a demonic scape goat…..I should have listened…
your videos enlightened my situation so much, I want to thank you so much for your share of knowledge. May I ask how do know so much information about narcissism in such details?
My narcissist actually used to tell me and she did on my discard that she creates an atmosphere of peace and beauty around her. I thought I know you try to but you create chaos at your whim
I was love-bombed without realizing, met on a dating app…i messaged a close friend saying "shes all over me like you don't believe!" sending me pics of her when she was looking glam.. most definitely over valued me and constantly bombarded me with images and verbal, text..we met and had a seven month relationship, we told each other we loved each other which all seemed well..in time she duly devalued and discarded and went from texts and talking every single day for seven months to nothing.. saying we had nothing in common, her feelings had changed and needed some space..i tried in vain to make her change her mind, i found she had gone straight back on dating sites, her watsapp pic had changed to one she had sent to me right at the beginning when i met her, this signified she was trying to appeal to another guy and i called this pic the " deal-breaker" what she really didn't like about me is that i had opinions, ideas and perspectives… i knew something was wrong towards the end but she kept making me believe everything was fine, until i questioned her behavior… then, GAME OVER.
Thank you for sharing this info. your videos have helped me understand so much. I am a very empathetic person and I went through horrible trauma in a past narcissistic relationship. I went through so much pain and depression even years after dealing with the relationship. I hated myself. I'm now engaged to a wonderful man who has helped me in my healing process and I'm happy for the most part, but it's still hard for me to be vulnerable with him. I have a huge issue with trust. I'm working on my healing though. I know it's possible to completely let go and love openly without fear one day.
how to move on if you have to see your narcissist ex almost every day as you have young kids together?
Ironically my narcissist sent me links to some of your videos to let me know I was an inverted narcissist. It was another one of his many attempts to show me what was wrong with me. All the while continuously denying being a narcissist himself. But who was my narcissist? He seemed to think I was so traumatized that I was an inverted narcissist with never having had a narcissistic relationship. The convolution is hilarious now that I am free and been without contact for a while. That relationship almost killed me. I am not an inverted narcissist but was trapped by the abuse for years. I have been divorced for a little over a year and, although depleted and healing, I am happier than ever. I can even thank the narcissist now for showing me myself better than any other experience. Fighting for you life will do that. 🙂 Thank you for your work in helping people understand this problem better. Your words are helpful.
My narcissistic ex husband has brainwashed my teenage boys against me,painting himself as the poor victim.Is there hope for my children to see the truth?
Is there anyway to convince an Empath/HSP…that they are being manipulated by a narcissist..make them come to a realization so to speak
Because even though you may not understand archaic chinese, if theyre hitting you, screaming at you, doing something you dont like….whilst speaking archaic chinese…you dont need to understand it to know it's not a good thing.
make it sound like only a narc can live with a narc LOL that would be setting up for a bomb of a relationship, ppl not taught boundaries on their love as a child, say one who is beaten or raped, or constantly abused and told their loved, tend too seek the same in a relationship not knowing that abuse is not love! that tv shows were a farce, learned it was ok too have one hit you, an still love you most of the were children from narcs, most of them overly loving, overly forgiving, allowing and feeding into the relationship, and boy when we got to the point when we let ourselves love we loved too deep, gave out all, only too be let down hard, abused hard, robbed, lied too, our emotions stolen, some of us blessed too get out with our lives, still is tough too see two narcs lol how would one feed one if the one is always needy? smh i duno but i will not go through this thinking i am mentally ill when i do know i need to learn to put boundaries on my love, i never in any way hurt him i stood by his illness, life and plotting, were always guessing games, and ya never knew what come next it plain downright sucked, all my stuff is broken but the biggest thing was my heart , i do not miss him yelling in my face, specially in the mornings, be safe and gb
Very helpful and accurate. thank-you.
She wants to find joy in my destruction, hopes she happy, I'm all fucked up, broke with she three months ago, it's winter I live in a car, my mind is over consumed by her , I suffer from Stockholm syndrome, and or Post Traumatic Syndrome for a month I've been a detective , all over the internet, to learn about all this shit and to find a cure to my outcome,
What if you are beautiful and talented and the abuser has porn addictions? Can you touch on how this would effect a beautiful woman and how do I stop thinking I am old ugly and useless? Others are still attracted to me but I don't even look in a mirror any longer because I hate what I see.
Wow this is great.
Omg, why professionals when we look for help don't help us like you're doing by educating us on this. My question is , if angry are they able to kill?
I am going NO CONTACT. It feels awesome. I'm a Winner. Narcs are Losers ( with the symbol on my forehead). LOSERSSSSSSS. Dumb asses. I'm better than him.
After 23 years with a narcissist I have moved on. The battle to get free almost killed me, had to leave my job and lost my license.He made our eldest daughter his crutch and she has moved in with him. It's hard at times but I am loving the peace and calm in my home. Whenever thoughts of him intrude I try to replace them with some positive affirmation like "all good things are coming to me"
Nope – it was a decision Just shut off, and went silent. The only reason I indulged her for so long was out of empathy. Very short-lived empathy. Joy returned in less than a month. Zero contact.
Thankyou for making this excellent video , it has helped me put things in perspective enormously , you deserve a standing ovation for your talks .
Sam Vaknin is a very good Psychologist. An expert when it comes to Narcs. I married one from China. It is terrible. To move on and let go is not easy but possible. Narcs destroy and take. They never give anything back.
My brain is still reeling after 25 years of marriage.
Sam Vaknin, Your posts are some of the most important help I have found on the subject of narcissism, thank you.
Thank you SAM. This is exactly what I needed. I do grieve what I thought I had, who he was.
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed to hear this right now. I was duped for 8 years by a psych/narc. When his mask fell off, I was horrified. He's been blocked every where he might contact me. I had thought of reconciling but even basic communication with him is filled with twisted lies and gaslighting. I am alert and aware now and don't think I can be duped again.
if my ex female narcissist spotted me with a new woman,how would she react
Best not to forgive nor forget anyone who is only nice to you because he/she wants something, and only "seeks the pleasure of your destruction." If you believe, ask the higher power to forgive you for your inability to forgive, and learn from it.