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Dealing with a Narcissist – with JP Sears
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What is an example of looking at a narcissist as a mirror? One obvious one I can think of is, if they put you down all the time, then it is likely that the mirror of that would mean, you believe those things about yourself somewhere, and you have low self esteem. And besides like…. other things where the focus would end up being about what you deserve ("oh I deserve to be cheated on because im not good enough" – you may feel deep down) —- I cant think of any other examples? Narcissistic abuse is very complex – so many things go on. How can you begin the process of figuring out what the main actions you experience from the narcissist or dont like about the narcissist – mirror you? Without somehow misleading yourself in the process? Thank you so much :)
WOW! Thank you. I think you are right.
I think your description is off. I found that being a kind sensitive person who expects the same back is actually the real problem. The narcissist wards off real love for some reason and cuts others down because they want to be in charge or feel bigger.They do not like empathic gentle people and do not vibrate with that, the happier you are the more they try to find a way. I realized later you can't love everyone that true self love is walking away from a asshole to you. Boundaries and self love. That's how you change someone like that, you leave.
I'm going to meditate on my emotions
I love this channel. The way you dispense such profound wisdom while keeping things light and funny is frankly amazing. Looking forward to watching everything :)
Narcissism is or should be looked at as on a scale…. we are all narcissistic to some degree- it's when it becomes a pathology and or psychosis, hurtful, sinister, totally devoid of any human emotion or empathy then we have an individual who's running perhaps around so wounded that their soul has in some degree vacated the body…The soul is based in the set point of universal love and a person unable (notice I didn't say unwilling) to be in those states of being vulnerable, authentic and have empathy then we have a short circuit of what it is to be a human being. The being(ness) has left. The unity of being-ness is not accessible to that individual. I'm not totally dissing your thesis but I think at this point of my response there might be some overlapping perspectives.
Appreciate your insight. I think my mom is a narcissist. She is elderly now, so everything revolves around her needs and I don't mind doing things for her. But she has always been this way, many other reasons why I think she is a narcissist but At this point I just try my best to be there for her without losing my soul. Which is not easy.
Thank you, JP
Mr Sears does a wonderful job of describing the polarity of the Narcissist and the Pathetic (once I got past the usual meaning of pathetic) . Calm and informative. Very good.
If you're narsesistic or patheticnistic (it's a word) then either way, you're likely, sometimes unknowingly, part of the Illuminati
wow, this is so eye opening. well done JP and thank-you!
Thank you, so much :)
What if my mother is the narcissist? What if she's elderly and dependent on me to take care of my terminal father?
95 Narcissists put a Thumbs down
This was seriously interesting.. great video. I hope people that are looking for serious help find this video.. People need to help themselves.
Recognizing your own dysfunction doesn't help unless you have tools to respond appropriately. it is not always possible to escape the relationship (relative or boss). you may be fully aware of your own weakness and still have no idea how to respond in a healthy way. probably because you never saw healthy relationships when you were learning social skills in childhood. someone who is asking how to deal with a narcissist already knows there is something wrong within themselves. they are looking for the tools they never learned to enact healthy relationships.
JP has had wide exposure to the KoolAid of modern pseudopsychology. "Psychology" is the chiropractic and alchemy of the 21st cntury.
I am an extremely unique and unusual person in that I embody both extreme narcissism and extreme patheticness. Unlike most narcissists, I actually have empathy off the charts, but I use this empathy to self-aggrandize by thinking no one on earth has more depth of feeling for others than myself. My patheticness comes from the fact that I embrace my insignificance, to anyone but myself. The universe is the embodiment of meaninglessness, and I swim there, it's my personal pool. 🙂 I am complete unto myself. Nice to meet you, JP.
Whow, this is so true. I was 23 years in a relationship with a narcist, and got out of it 12 years ago. Somehowe I prepared myself for 5 years by checking my feelings for him. ( conclusion : addiction ). In the meantime I took away very slowly his power over me. ( financialy, and emotionaly ). With the result of real agressive behaviour of him. My 14 year old daughter made me see that it was to dangerous to stay. Then I jumpt into the ocean ( meaningI left. )Till today I am thinking wy did it take so long to leave him. Now I see that I did the job in those 5 years.It seems he became a alcohol addict and blames me. Sometimes he calls me drunk and tells me stories , even last year I was under the impression that he regretted how he treated me. But after I refused to have a coffee , he became again another person. I was shocked, but now I see he is a victim of his own past.
Dang! This is great!
Narcissists creep me out! They are barely human…
I am a narcissistic manipulator who often uses people around him to satisfy all his emotional and physical needs. To fill his free time too.
In the end I only think about myself and about what's better for me, and I'd do everything to achieve my goals, even damaging innocent people.
But this is also the behaviour of a fierce and fearless predator who dominates the alimentary chain and who is indeed stronger that most of the other animals.
That's how you win in life, or at least that's the way I choose.
Don't blame yourself if you're narcissist, you still can love and be loved.
Unfortunately you spoke without understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder – Covert vs Overt type. That's okay. Join the other therapists who are unaware of this disorder and who simplify it down to what you have here.
This is dead on right. I like your work!
This is very informative, but we were really hoping you could just take the piss. Oh please, go on. You could do it. :)
This was brilliant, thanks! So well explained.
I used to be a narcissist, yes I was, no i'm not seeking attention by saying this :p I still don't like negative attention but i'm trying to be good and honest here..
While I caused some people great pain and barely cared about their feelings I think it's extremly difficult for someone who hasn't dealt with this mental condition to really know what it's like being that obsessed with yourself. To onlookers it may just seem like you're that type of person but there were actually some deep rooted issues from my past that I just found too hard to deal with,, and my narcissism was a defense mechanism to deal with that great pain that I was too weak to really look at and deal with. Narcissism was in other words a chilidsh way for me to avoid responsibility. It took quite a while before I actually understood that I was a real narcissist and that I was the problem, not the world.
My best advice for dealing with people like me is to run, but with empathic and forgiving eyes do not shut these people out forever, people can actually change and learn how to love again.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful and important message. I have never heard it from this perspective.
I used to be a supreme narcissist, and now that I am no longer a narcissist, well let me tell you I wish I could go back to being a supreme narcissist. I know from experience, being a self-absorbed narcissist is fucking awesome, confidence, exuberance, self-importance. Being a narcissist is a BEAUTIFUL thing. I agree with JP people who aren't narcissists , are fucking pathetic! Of fucking course the world is only about you, are you going to live your life on eggshells or for others? Fuck that shit exploit life, live tall, proud, and true. It may be socially unacceptable, but anyone with real power, and wealth in this world lives by the code of the supreme narcissist "do what though whilst". Anyone who can analyze their former narcissism wanna chime in here?
Your very right well done thank you
LOL I just stumbled upon your videos and they are so great! Please keep informing us how to understand life better.
I think this is a real helpful approach, rather than just blaming other people which really goes no where. So many vids are just about that. Thanks so much for your insight and I found it very helpful.
JP I found this a really interesting video, I was feeling that you played down how manipulative and controlling a narcissist is and can be but I thought the points you made towards the end of the piece were very insightful.
Both co-dependants and narcissists have self worth issues, and on account of a strong toxic chemistry, they tend to be attracted to each other. Basically, they feed each other's messed up egos.
A narcissist feeds their ego by abusing and putting others below themselves, a codependant does it by putting up with abuse (martyrdom) and by feeling like they're the only ones who really love and can properly deal with the narcissist. Essentially, both are provided with the low >necessary to achieve a brief yet addictive high. They have a disagreement, the narc belittles the codependant and threatens to leave him, he begs for forgiveness and cries, she tells him it's his fault, he believes it (or wants to) and apologizes, she tells him it's ok and then kisses him or something. All is "well" for the next couple of hours. They'll ride this emotional rollercoaster endlessly if there's no epiphany or intervention because more often than not it feels comfortable and normal, as the codependant and narcissist likely come from abusive households.
It's obviously a toxic situation for all involved.