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Forgiving A Narcissist Is Another Trap
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My friend is a narcissist. He really actually shows some remorse when he hurts my feelings but eventually it happens again. I put up more boundaries but he still tries say hurtful words at times after awhile. Im not getting really anywhere but repeatedly feeling bad cause him. Ive known him long time buddies friends. I need get away even further but will that even help. I may have disappear again and say no to going to events with him. He may have a tinge if misogynist also.
Awesome vid! Underlines the "Holy Grail" quest for the APOLOGY you will never receive as well as "police report" type acknowlegement of events AS THEY OCCURED. A verbal apology, direct from the PERP, not some Flying Monkey, is something you can almost pick up and feel in your hands physically! If you dont hold out for it, YOU have effectively given the Narc permission to continue on unchanged. If you're a guy, you walk away feeling much lighter because you left your balls behind.
From what I can see so far, the fact that there are men out here who are/were vics of FEMALE narcissists is given equal time. Its just as important as validating male victims of child molestation, maybe more so as the percentage of male victims is much higher in this instance. I had the misfortune of finding myself "caged-in" with three full-blown NPD females in three separate situations before I was twenty. Spent forty years in PTSD that I wasn't even aware of until after much work, I finally began emerging from and found the piece of me that I had lost. Been literally robbed of. Had literally watched it being shat on and flushed by these evil women. Healing is possible. Like the Kingdom of Heaven, it must be taken by force.
My father will at every opportunity to forgive my narcissistic mothers behaviour, it make me feel like he does not aknowledge what I go through and he is minimizing how I feel. it drives me mad, especially since he left her 20 years ago and never looked back.
I appreciate your videos, Ollie. I have learned a lot from you. You are very clear headed and have the ability to put this stuff into perspective. You have a warrior spirit. Thank you. Both my parents were narcissists as were my aunt and cousins and I have been a victim of narcs throughout my life. I had to people-please to survive. About 7 months ago, I threw a new narcissist "friend" out of my life after weeks of her stalking me on the phone and online. Doing that started my recovery. I began researching the symptoms and discovered literature and videos about narcissism. I now understand what happened to me both recently and in my past. I don't believe in forgiveness. I think being told to forgive is nothing more than a safe place for the people who don't want to her about it, the same as how you described it in the video above. They don't understand our need to express our reality and given the chance to talk out our anger and then move on. Most people just don't want to hear it. I don't blame people for wanting to escape the descriptions of my experiences. So I just don't talk about it when I'm with my non victimized friends and save it for people who do understand and are willing to listen and I listen to them. I don't advocate that anyone follow my process, this is just what I do for me alone. I don't expect the memories to ever go away. They are a part of me like DNA. I have learned how to manage them by not investing any energy in them. I imagine that they are nothing more than a bit of hot wind, fragments of old movies that mean nothing. Doing that I've discovered they are starting to pass from my mind faster and faster and their clarity is starting to fade. I do my best to focus on the good things I now have and that helps move them out of my brain, not permanently but long enough so I can refocus on the moment. My new "moment' does not include any of these parasites. I'm sorry you were subjected to all that horror at the hands of people who were supposed to love and support you. I completely understand. I wish you love and warmth and support, every day for the rest of your life. Looking forward to watching the video on what the narcs could have become. I've wondered about that for a long time. That video should be a good one. Be safe and thank you again for putting yourself out there and making these videos. They have really helped me, a lot. :))
as a child of a narcissist parent i say you should forgive. i understand that it is hard but Jesus forgave people who spit on him and put him down constantly. It might not seem like a big deal but think about what you would do if someone spitted on you. even if you aren't a Christian learning to forgive will help you move on from it. you can forgive them but not fall for the tricks over and over again. forgiveness and not trusting them are two different things. you will sometimes reflect back and have flashbacks of the narc abuse but it's okay because i have them too sometime. my mom abuses me everyday and i constantly forgive her and you know what? i am happier and look less stressed while my narc abuser is literally deteriorating before my eyes from all the anger and hatred in her heart. narcissists are nothing but modern day jezebels. in the end God will be their ultimate judge. look up Jezebel spirit. all the traits in that spirit are the exact same traits in the narcissist and that is because the narcissist is the jezebel spirit. only God can deliver these people. you know what i can't stand? when people say simple things like "why don't you just sit down and have a talk with your mom?" if it were that easy i would have never had any issues in the first place!
I really want to thank you for your video. The very idea that I could
leave the earth and not realize why my mother is a narcissist is truly
unsettling. I have swallowed whole pharmacies and been in therapy for
decades. No matter what I did I could not find peace or improve my
life. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. The
strange thing about recovery and getting out of the narcissists grip is
easier than what I had to endure.all these years. I hope all children
of narcissist abusers come to the same conclusion, I AM TRULY LUCKY.
Thanks
so brutally honest
I forgive them…cos God knows it releases me..so He can avenge me.
I even laugh…when I remember how nasty n controlling he was. ;>
On forgiveness.
The Narc Father in Law…apologises…to nobody…n defo. doesnt need me…but for supply.
Ok..foolishly I apologised for anything I did that was hurtful and mean. ( It was justified ) ;>
He n his wife…the enabler..have never apologised to me.
I confronted him …once…16 years ago…asked him to .
He said, ' Dont bite the hand that feeds you'(lol)
Payback…karma…God kicking his ass….justice..was only done last year.
Gods timing is perfect. o/
Thanks…for your heartfelt honesty.Ollie…
the harder it gets..the more you have to dig all their crap out of you…n believe me…you are empowering many people…to take their lives back !!…I know its sacrificial…but it is cleansing n healing for you.Bro.xx (((HUGS)))
We can tell when wr in recovery…cos we feel the fight n strength coming back into us.;>
It's one thing to forgive, but then the trust has to be rebuilt. they want instant trust "Get over it"
Him "I'm sorry. Can't you forgive me? You have trust issues!"Me: "You're damn right, I have trust issues! Is it any wonder? Back off!"I was pretty proud of myself when this came out of my mouth instead of the usual self-compromising make nice-nice.
Thank you Ollie. I have heard this a lot. Many people don't value feelings like we should in our society today. IT really upsets me.
Also, I feel that FORGIVENESS is a BENEFIT to US, who have been abused, as it helps remove the venomous poison from our hearts. We don't desire retaliation. We can LET GO AND LET GOD….take care of the matter. He WILL in time. ALL things will be made right in time.
I believe that forgiveness can take time, especially when abuse has been horrific. I also believe that FORGIVE AND FORGET is a half truth. When God forgives, He also forgets, but I feel that WE KEEP THE MEMORY, to help us learn from our experiences. I feel that He let's us keep the MEMORY, as a protection to us, so we don't have to keep making the same mistakes. Some things ARE JUST PAINFUL. He gave us our feelings, and when we think on a painful memory, its always going to be painful, but with forgiveness, the pain diminishes with time, because time heals too.
I agree but Ive never ever gotten an apology from a narcissist . Ive actually had one lunge at me physically then ask ME for an apology . A true narcissist will NEVER apologize if they stab you it was your fault
very encouraged by your videos. it never occurred to me that there are people feeling exactly the way I've been feeling. that must sound naive, or conceited, but I really did feel apart from society.