How to interact with a narcissist. Go assertive or play dumb? There are pros and cons to both strategies. How To Recover From Trauma. How To Identify …
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How to interact with a Narcissist — be assertive or play dumb
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I wish you would have given examples of both. Thar would've been helpful.
What's most important about the play dumb strategy is the processing later on. I would have to immediately write things down after a conflict as I was often in a state of confusion after my ex's rants. I easily forget things and I had no idea what was happening for many years so I kept an private, online journal. Sometimes it would take days to fully digest a scene. In time I started to see the light. Keeping a journal and processing events is what helped me KNOW I had to get help and get out.
very good advice. Thank you.
This video is on point! I allowed a manager to bully me and retaliated, if I had just played dumb I would have been ok! She deliberately goaded me in interviews to the point of telling I would never gain a promotion within the dept, just before the interview! I later discovered that she was jealous of me, but would ask me to step up for secondment roles and then employ someone else when the vacancy came up! She is stuck where she is and although I shine at each role she deliberately holds me back. Everyone hates her and gives her a hard time and the ones that suck up to her move on. I don't suck up to anyone, especially someone so evil, but I will keep trying because I know when I leave I will be given the chance to shine!
An Honest Codependent cannot apply assertiveness without serious distress and due to no boundaries they will be targeted immediately for narcissistic abuse strategies if they act out this way. An Honest Codependent acting out of the ordinary in this way is a huge dose of supply for the narcissist who has chosen them. This is putting on a mask personality which an Honest Codependent cannot do even if it is in order to be assertive. If you are an Honest Codependent as soon as you uncover a malignant narcissist don't engage or disengage immediately.
we're smart enough to play stupid :D
Well my dear Sacha, silence in my case just sends them crazy, they go for the academy awards for best leading actor in a highly complicated drama script of psycho-freeko. but I agree sometimes you do have to talk but watch it !
Great advice. I find myself dumbing down to avoid drama because eventually it gets so ridiculous and stupid no matter whether I stick up for myself or not. Plus I'm to the point that I don't care, thank god. That took years. Also, I learned if I let the cards fall where they may and not care they end up the fool. Then I just laugh and tell someone who knows about the whole thing maybe to let it go as a sick form of entertainment. I am way less angry than I have been so I'm not gonna lie I do get angry at times and pray to let that go. Thanks so much for the video.
I called the narcissist out on his game. And he responded "Whatever"…I responded back to the narcissist by saying "Bye Retard". That's all it took…
I laugh so hard at 0:50 every time!!!!
Sacha, hoping you'll do some videos for those of us who have become the "project". I like that term, it made me laugh in that "boy you aren't kidding" kind of way. As always thank you for the creative and intelligent insight!
a+
Going down and dumb is often the best. Doing this with my ex, not worth the trouble it brings by confronting him and saying what I think. I happened to set him off a couple of times, and it costed me dearly. Sometimes it`s tempting and also healthy for us to speak up. But not always worth it. One little good tip I noticed was pretty helpful, I got stuck in the phone for an hour sometimes when I got a new job or moved. If I sounded positive about it he would torture me, but as soon as I pretended it caused problems for me and sounded a little less positive but troubled instead, he got satisfied and let me get off the phone:) I had myself a sight of reilef and laughed a little bit for myself.
does it take the cross abuse line n send sum to take car n studio for stalking me …w g~friend. he married her. hahaha.
. i set them free
My ex Narc took me for a ride…I paid for his car to be repaired and painted. Close to R 20 000. I only realised too late that he is a Narc. He promised to pay back every cent, but I doubt it.At this stage I am so angry. He took me for a ride.
very very clever… thank you
wish other pros here lisened to you knowledge it far surpasses theirs
Another way to get toxic people to leave you alone forever is by telling them good news about yourself or conversely telling them bad news abt your life if you need them for something. The former I told her I was getting married and just bought a house. She disappeared so fast.
I agree that covert types are far more dangerous than noisy overts ! Tanks for video again :-)
Very good video! She said something to me so bad that I can't even remember what it was and I have a good memory, but that it immediately made me spring off my chair and feign a solid straight right fist into the front of her face. Needless to say, she got the message to back off, and then proceeded to go to a safe location to utilize her most favorite, successful weapon, the lie, only this time, it was told extremely frantic and desperate and nonsensical! Well, I WON, I got her to leave all by standing up for myself and taking action against a user with no real personality, interest, or empathy. Ha ha, she's probably smeering my name right now by calling be abusive and psychotic. If that's what it takes to get rid of one of these gold-digger sadists, and the one I had was sadistical, btw… then use it!
If I had you around, I'd be in stitches. I love your sense of humor.
I agree, playing dumb is a temporary solution, eventually you have to be assertive (ideally when you can go no contact) — playing dumb caused problems for me later because I misjudged the level of narcissism I was dealing with and in fact became a project. I just want to say its never too late to stand up and cut them out
Damn I asserted myself to the socio I was with , but wasn't aware of the pathology of the sickness so ended up manipulated anyway- he said some of the stupidest passive aggressive bs that I knew was wrong, but I didn't know HOW insane and that there was a serious disorder behind it..now I know.. You are right, he played " nice" for 5 years and mask fell off,
wish I'd found Sacha 14 years ago….
Thanks Sasha. Process and Motivation. Willdo. Gets tiring when dealing with a group of people with varying degrees of personalities. Guess you have to choose your battles carefully, huh? Seems best to be energetic and aware with carefully planned responses instead of anxious and reactive.
What if you have to associate with a narcissist on the higher end of the spectrum on a regular basis? I'm related to one and since my other relatives aren't willing to cut ties I sometimes have to deal with this person. I've chosen to be polite but assertive for now if I can't get out of associating with her. I try to avoid her for the most part though.
yes ♕ ♛ queen
I NEED a plan. My usual, nice, innocent type reactions or upset, angry, hurt is no way to go!
Be a narcissist too to counter them. Mirror image them
this is so important because these people are not going to admit they are Narcissitic or are emotionally manipulative,— to you or anyone else– serious.
Bobby Bacala from the sopranos played the dumb card very well when Tony tried to mainpulate him. It was the Quasimodo scene.
Play dumb with a Pippi Longstocking look, what an interesting idea. haha
Yes…yes…on many points Sacha !
I feel we must distinguish between being healthy introspective and N .
'A project for the next year' , absolutely… they have long term vengeance capacity. If you go down and dumb, at least you preserve yourself, emotionally. Yes, save your energy, and detach emotionally. Preserve yourself emotionally, and stay in rational mode. Trust your emotional reaction, learn to listen to your feelings.
Coming up with a plan, in my opinion is to have a ready to use reaction or phrase, as you are suggesting in different videos. 'If that is what you think'. (Full stop) Short. 'I am not available'. A cut off message, is like an option to no contact, and disengages you emotionally, and saves you from trying to reason with them. Protect your mind and body, or you will end up with somatic pain, grief, …I heard somewhere 'Dont give your heart to a meat grinder.' If you understand that you are in a relationship with one, make a plan with a schedule, and break out, even if it means reviewing your belief systems completely. We have only one life to live.
love you videos
thank God I listened to this video just in the nick of time..i forget what they're really capable of
How do you know they are covert or overt. ? I'm thinking my last was covert in my eyes sociopathic, , he was a a good poker player, loved the power and super smart. Where one before was not so much like that, but very attractive, and cared abt how social media saw him, etc. but I get confused cause the previous one cared abt stuff like that ok but acted like he didn't. Idk. So much to figure out lol
I'm a down an dumb girl. It's the smartest strategy not to let them know that I know they are morally insane, it allows them a false sense of control and power. And I maintain my well being, peace and maybe even literal safety.
Thank you! Sharing!
I used both intermittently with my narc until I could get away.
Down and dumb is a great survival tool.
I think that Borderline Covert Women will play the down and dumb role with NPD / ASP men because they believe the Sociopath Boyfriend can be controlled and dangerous. Where the BPD with will eat other men for lunch.