In this video, I bring up the question (and concept) of “What is a codependent relationship?”
It took me many decades to realize that the relationship isn’t codependent–it’s codependent people that are codependent. And if we have codependent issues, then we bring them into whatever relationship we are in–whether it’s with a significant other, our children, parents, friends, extended family, neighbors, people we volunteer with, members of our church, etc.
A codependent relationship is one that is unbalanced. It’s a dynamic where we sink ourselves so that someone else might swim–all so that the relationship will stay afloat.
The tricky part is that many codependent traits are great character traits and are celebrated and encouraged by society as a whole–so codependent people often have a hard time seeing that they have a problem. They just know that something is off. That they have a pattern of being involved in unequal or one-sided relationships with people who they either feel they “need” or who “need” them.
Codependent people tend to act in three main ways: clingy, controlling, and/or care taking.
Codependency is formed in childhood, generally due to a parent(s) who were either emotionally and/or physically unavailable–either due to addiction, alcoholism, mental illness, depression, working all the time, or their own personality disorders (Narcissism, Sociopathy, etc.).
It is important that we realize that if we have children, and if we are in a dysfunctional relationships–then they are too. We need to talk to them about healthy boundaries and standards for behavior so they don’t repeat this cycle when they get older.
Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in Narcissism…or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change.
Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with Narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.
My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.
Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.
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