Narcissist (as well as alcoholic) parents are not only unable to parent properly, they put the burden on their children to parent THEM. You might also find the …
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Narcissist Parents Expect Their Children to Parent Them
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Thanks for your video btw!! Very comforting to know I'm not alone!
I'm just learning that my mother is a narcissist. it breaks my heart but gives me so much closure. She failed to teach me about sex and then scolded me when I became pregnant at 16.. talked me out of accepting a full ride scholarship to an art school in Chicago, and later the Peace Corp. So at 17 I wAs motivated to move out and get away. She continued her control efforts and I eventually found myself battling addictions of all sorts to cope. I eventually got in trouble with the law, and she she still now uses that to oppress me, meanwhile she helps anyone else hands down. I moved out west for a few years, and when another relationship failed she was there acting as a savior. only to throw it in my face and later put me in another oppressing situation. she belittles me at work in front if customers and then gets infuriated and holds grudges when I call her out. the battle continues still, but now I feel stuck. on top of that I feel like I'm parenting her, and that my feelings aren't validate. and she continues to control me any way she can.. even in my 30s.
Watching this, I relate so much to everything you said it is crazy. I even cried a bit because it hurts, I hate my relationship with my mom being like this. My mother had me in high school. She constantly reminded me that she had me in high school like it was my own fault that I existed. She never would be proud of any of my accomplishments. She brags about her friends children too and asks why I can't be that way too. She did not help me with everything. I am struggling to deal with some things and she makes fun of me and calls me a crybaby. I clean and everything and she's never happy with anything. She looks for mistakes to yell at me and I am lucky if I did not make any mistakes or else she berates me with how terrible I am. She threatened to kick me out if I did not find out what my grade in biology was. Lately, she blames my boyfriend that I don't spend time with her but the true reason why I don't is she always looks for something to complain about.
OMG…This is so true. "A Black Hole of Need"…perfect description. She always asked why I couldn't be like so and so. I didn't say or think, "because their mom isn't like you". So I thought it was genuinely my fault for years.
its soo annoying beacuse they always want to be the center of attention, takeover conversation blame people speak bad about others and that drove me crazy …iam trying to overcome all my negative like bad self esteem and like tendency to depend on companions …but i dont wana be sucked into a vortex of sadnesz
its like one time when i was younger i apologized to my mother and she rejected me saying noooo nooo go away and she name called me , so i told myself id never apologize to her, so later she came home saying ohh i saw the daughter of my boss apologizing to her mother…. yaddyyaadaa …blaa and she was like comparing me …
Yes my mother destroyed my opportunities and destroyed my self esteem
You are beautiful…
Beautifully articulated and deeply felt into with great accuracy and clarity.Thank you for this sad and powerful portrait of a narcissistic mother/daughter relationship. You just clearly described my childhood with a very wounded narcissistic mother.They are so much in need of the nurturing they never received,they use their children to furfill their long lost,unmet, childhood needs.
Guys can I ask you something. Okay let's understand this that nature is nature I guess and if we are born to be what we are born to be, there just might not be anything to do about it. All I am saying is that I am not hating at all right now at we all feel bad for this abusive bullshit but listen for a second.
Our parents are douches, but the funny thing is, we are their CHILDREN and it is even more fucked up. WE might talk crap and bullshit and shit about them but we are their blood, WE ARE ALSO FUCKED UP THEN AREN'T we? WE are their blood. It just feels so nice to sit and talk about this bullshit but have you ever thought about you are one aswell. This makes me think that, I don't know. As I said in the beginning we are all born and created by nature, all we do is live the life we feel, our emotions. Alright just keep living folks, good luck. That's all we can do and all we already is doing lol, it's so fucked up.
Just one quick one. Like even if you are narcissistic, it doesn't even matter because that's ur nature. My nature in a way is to sit here and talk shit and then do something completly fucking different than I said. We are all just going through life and doing our needs even if we think about it or not. It's like a little insect, it's living life even though it knows it or not.
Good luck fuck youuuuu
Covert Narcissist parents ( especially mothers ) do not share wisdom or prepare victim children for life experiences by talking about life experiences or teaching knowledge , but rather feed their wicked jealous desire to destroy the lives of their children so that the children may not succeed above the narcissists control level and may continue to be controlled by abuse. This is all very deliberate and known by the covert narcissist , they fear loosing control of their victims or being alone to face themselves , so they hold back from discussion that will enhance the life or knowledge of their victims of abuse. Jealousy will not allow a covert narcissist to condone one of their moulded victims discussions or knowledge that will allow the victim beneath them to succeed anything the covert narcissist has ever achieved. NEVER forget an extreme covert narcissist is devilish. True. Belinda Leoni
My narcissistic aunt who helped "raise" me is a nurse but quit her job and expected me to pay both her mortgages!!! Which I did for a year thinking she was looking for another job but she wasn't. She just stayed home expecting me to do EVERYTHING for her and there was nothing wrong with her health wise.
omg…I've fallen down the rabbit hole that is your channel. I'm compelled to do a video about my own experiences (plural!) on this from teen pregnancy to shifting responsibility to the black hole of need…
Oh god, I heard all the same things from my Narc mom. I'm sorry.
Oh my gosh, yes, I totally hear you on this. Especially when you used the example of her friend and her daughters and how they give her hugs, etc. Walking on egg shells all the time wondering how her reaction to something will come out. Or babysitting their emotions or reactions. When you try to express how you feel and it has to do with her, she either gets loud and says she is done talking about it, or walks away. Not being allowed to express yourself, who you are and how you feel does not make you want to be giving hugs and kisses. When there's love coming from her end, I can expect for some type of condition to come with it. Or how will she use this to manipulate me to throw back in my face what she's done for me. My mother did not have her parents growing up, many times when I've needed her in life, she will remind me of the fact of how lucky I am because she didn't have parents if she would have needed them the way I am hoping to need as a mom in the moment that I am needing her. It sucks because she didn't deserve the childhood that she got and I think many times it snowballs into the next generation.
I can totally relate. It took me so long to finally realize that emotionally I've never been allowed to be a child in our home, but both my parents were counting on getting my understanding and emotional support and guidance. So no is the boundaries striking time and it is not easy. I've become too uncomfortable.
I don't remember anything that my mom taught me and it's scary. She never ever helped me with homework and played with me-my brothers received the same treatment. Yet she expects me now to talk to her and have a nice relationship? we are barely in contact and don't have anything to do with her
Going no contact was the best thing I've ever done for myself!
I'm always amazed at how alike my experience, in one way or another, is much like other children of narc mothers. I guess because for sooooo long I felt like such a freak in these situations, that I couldn't comprehend anyone else ever living this way.
My mother neglected to teach me so many things that I didn't even realize I needed to know growing up. From when I was really little I was always her caretaker, emotional support, servant and tried to be a peacemaker in our family. To this day she expects me to take care of her. She got extremely jealous when my husband and I were taking care of foster kids for a while because she felt they took my attention away from her. She literally ended up marrying the first boy I ever considered dating (he was underage when they got together, sure glad I never actually kissed him or anything like that). I don't doubt that had she a chance in hell, she would have likely gone after my husband at some point.
"I liked you better when you were easy-going"
You mean when I went along with everything, asked no questions and just did anything to please you without any talk-back and no personality going to Jehovah's Witness meetings???
Here the same. She even send me home to a pervert to "play with his son".
This brought up a memory of me calling out my parents for not talking to me about sex when I was younger, 14 or 15.. and I told them they needed to talk to my sister about it and my mother replied "why don't you teach her about sex" Sick twisted lady.
what gets me is when such women make out that all women are the same and that we all feel the same about children. Iwas seventeen and i wanted my child I loved my child. and then feminism of taking other single mums children because of this projective identification is very damaging and abuse. and the involvement of fathers, not that i want to exclude fathers but in some cases it is not possible to involve the father. also my steop aunt was like this but had an abortion , when my so came along she tried to make me think i couldn't keep him. and now they are brainwashing him. on top of that when i said i was the parent they were eaves dropping and abusing him on this too, wish some one would do something about this as when i said it it waws in a different way its just a horrible habit, and i dont know if this is sarcasm . you are right in what you say . ytou are right to say what you do. put you r foot down and draw the line as you do.
I dotn agree with saying this because i was parented by my child and i loath this it was because the headteacher showed him how to do this by example she talked to me all the time as if I was a child. and ss said that he had too much responsibility when he had non . it is really devastating as you end up in constant competition for leadership , and then the silly disturbing phrase of "look after you r mother" i had to point out to my GP{ that it is the parent who looks after the child.
My mother's narcissism would swing. If she was wearing the hat of woman, she resented anything I was that she wasn't and tore me down. If she was wearing the hat of mother, she would herald my achievements as a reflection on her as a superior person. These are two simple examples. It was always complex and I never knew where I stood. Overall, my mother put me down and at age 58 I am still trying to find confidence in myself. Thank you for sharing your experiences and advice.