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Red Flag of a Narcissist #15: Insults and Put Downs
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This just hit home for me. My ex would say "The dog is the only b*tch that will never leave me" and also we had cats too and he would also say "Im in a house with a bunch of B*tches and pu$$ies" :(
Mine didn't get abusive until I discarded him and announced that I was leaving. The verbal put-downs and condescension was there, but nothing physical until he had lost control over me. That's a dangerous time.
I have interacted with "flying monkeys" before. That was really unpleasant.
Thank you for all these videos you helped me break up with my covert narc last month ! But he wouldn't really hear it, would keep making compliments as if nothing happened.
He finally planned behind my back to escape on a holiday trip when I began to find out about his hidden secrets (emails from a sex club, already looking for new supply…). He was at his meanest, he was out of control : he told me he wanted to be with a functional girl like him and I was crazy and I should be ashamed to doubt him and go through his stuff.
Of course he told me afterwards he did that to help me leave. He tried hoovering me back when he began to feel scared to go on a trip alone. I was so scared at first cause I had the biggest depression and fatigue in my life to the point he was also bringing me coffee in bed (while telling me I was faking, who'd do that??!). I thought I'd never had the strenght to move on, and my low self esteem would drive me back to him.
But one day after he left, suddenly I felt better. Still anxious, but more like it's a first day at a new job, apprehensive and excited. I managed to go outside on my own and began my therapy.
I'm still scared and paranoid though : that he's gonna try to hoover me back or that he's spying on me. But I never wanna see him again.
Was asked in 1999 could I be poisoned….moved to Germany with the Air Force and the illness cleared up, 5 years of great health. PCSd back to the States and he deployed. I got use to cooking and he no longer made my food or drink. While healing in Germany I had blood in my stools for 6 months!!
You are talking about people. God made us all in his image. God said to love everyone…do you REALLY think your significant other is "enemy" and you have to leave them when God wouldn't? Everyone sins. We all need forgiveness and mercy, or God will not for us. I'm sorry, but everyone NEEDS love. If they are constantly rejected, they become criminals or suicidal. I have read and heard sooo many list over 100 symptoms of a psychopath and not one says "They would prefer to kill than divorce" < WHY ISN'T THAT LISTED???
Bless your heart, you are beautiful because you are honest and emotionally brave.
thank you so much for this video. I wish I could see it before. Your story is similar to mine. I still recovering from a covert narcissist (actually not so covert… the more I m learning about narcissist the more I m realizing) All these informations could save so much suffering. thank you
I am so sorry that you have gone through this awful time. This was painful to watch. I could see what it did for you to speak this truth- you brightened up once you'd spoken. Your body knows the truth as you said. What a marvel to see. I seem to know a lot of people I grew up with who are keeping secrets of parental abuse and incest, and their faces in their online photos are those of wraiths. Hollow-eyed.
I'm so sorry about your experiences. Getting poisoned…I felt your pain. I had a friend who was in a crazy relationship, sadly I didn't know if she was manipulated or vise versa. Anyways, it turned out to be a suicide/homicide. And my best friend passed…after having two kids with him. He killed her then took his own life. How I wished he offed himself. I'm glad and God Bless you that you made it out!
I just experienced this minutes ago. Is it common for them to apologize afterwards? My husband (soon to be ex) Curses me out and calls me everything you can think of, and then apologizes…..
is there a check list to see if you are with a narcissism person. my current boyfriend seems to have some of the things but not all of them. sometimes I just think maybe he is just a jerk. he doesn't have any empathy and very sympathy. he is closed off and won't communicate with me. of course every thing is my fault and won't go to counseling with me. do you have any tips for rising kids with them
Is there any research on Narcissists who are hypersexual who get erectile dysfunction and how they react to this wound?
It took nearly 15 years post divorce to finally realize that my ex was a covert narc. He hid behind religion, still does. Many times, during the marriage, I was told that he felt God thought more highly of men because they were created first. He really believed that. He always felt entitled to do whatever he wanted, go where he wanted, etc, but I was not allowed to even get out of the house to go grocery shopping. Everyone in the community viewed him as a "Good Christian Man".
Went trough most of the Red Flags. Getting a divorce now, my husband is also lying to the judge.
Is there a way to unmask him in count? to show his true self?
I have been married for 35 years to a Narcissist, of which I wasn't aware of it for the first 30 years. So, for 30 years he did so much damage to my self esteem, by putting me down without ever using the actual insults. All I knew was I felt like shit and couldn't figure out why. I slowly over time withdrew and pulled inside myself emotionally shutting down. I went from a vibrant active person to being afraid to open my mouth, waiting for another verbal attack. He can be really loving as long as I agree with everything he says, have no opinion about anything and never, never question any of his decisions. My question to you is, can you do a video on how they can put you down, belittle you and make you feel like nothing without ever using harsh words. Thank you, Star
I just smiled watching this because it's seriously spot on. I'm so thankful I found your video's. I really thought I had completely lost my mind while in a relationship with this man.
That happened to my husband.His narcissist deliberately castrated him,then tried to poison him.He almost died.
Abuse can come in the smallest things. When the narc sends a birthday card to the father with everyone's name on it continually, while sending the mother a card with only her name on it for the mother's birthday. There is a diabolical favoritism toward the parent that elevates them while devaluing the parent who is treating them in normal ways, not making them more special than anyone else. The birthday card thing, sounds petty, but when place together with all the other hundreds of things just like this, there is a pattern of deliberate favoritism to demean their target.
I would like to know if narcissists recognize each other. I would also like to know if they do, do they share information to better their narcissistic condition? Like to improve how they manipulate and abuse? Or how to avoid getting caught etc.? Or do they simply operate solo?
I've discovered that my son-in-law has narcissistic tendencies. I was married to a narcissist for over 30 years. My son is dating/living with a female narcissist. I can spot these people at 500 paces fairly easily now. Wish I'd known this 30 years ago, could have saved myself a lot of grief. Thanks for your informative videos. I am learning a lot.
they are the master of that
Wow. my experience was nearly identical….. uncanny
This is so true
@ 06:22 or the other person could feel like she will be the best woman he's ever had. Then she'll began doing things and I mean extra things to keep hearing how she is the best he's ever had and etc. I don't know how I stumbled across your videos but with the help of Jesus Christ and watching these series over and over again, I will stay strong and never give him another chance again. Frankly, I'm almost starting to hate him. I wish he would find someone else because I'm sick of him and he's stubborn as hell. Thank you!
Narcissist are really good at giving backhanded compliments.
One major characteristic of narcissists that I have known is the phenomenon of being wronged in every relationship they've been in but always seeming to wind up with another narcissist. It makes me wonder who is the predator and who is the prey? Can two narcissists be in a relationship together? I know a few people that could check off most of the boxes in this list but then again so could I. The common thread is ADDICTION in ALL these "relationships".
THIS IS SO FAMILIAR TO ME , WHEN I FOUND OUT WHO HE REALLY WAS AND WHAT HE WAS UP TO , I JUST WANTED TO DIE I WAS DEVASTATED AND I FELT SO HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED I JUST WANTED TO DIE , ( AND IN MY DESPERATION I DID SAY IT AND HE OFFERED TO HELP ME TO DIE <<<< "WITHOUT PAIN">>>> IF I LEAVE A SUICIDAL LETTER SAYING THAT HE WAS GOOD TO ME , AND THAT I WAS GIVING MY HOUSE TO HIM, AND HE DID CARRY ON , BUT I DID SURVIVE ! YES THEY ARE MONSTERS , I SAW YOU CHOCKING ON IT WHEN YOU SAY IT … I FEEL THE SAME DO YOU KNOW WHAT ? IT IS SO FRUSTRATING BECAUSE NOBODY WILL BELIEVE THAT HE E=IS CAPABLE OF DOING THAT ( HE IS THE CHARMING TYPE )…
i kept falling asleep evry day when he got home-and then i noticed something intuitive-when he said once-"you didnt drink your tea-i had to be careful-the last time he gave me a peck on the cheek-i passed out and woke up 8 hrs later-of course he lies-so does no good to confront or question-and hes an old man
76 they never get better-i want to leave but no family or friends and im 72-well-my faith is a great sustainer but i am sooooo carefulive had the put downs before but this one from my narcissist husband take the cake-when i tried to talk to him about his affair and asked why-he as a typical narcissist-said " you had a weight issue-i needed someone younger to build my self esteem-and i always felt you were smarter than me-wow !lol-no empathu-shame-remorse-it was all my fault-
people told me how much I changed when I left him. I felt and looked better. Just don't know. These sociopaths are capable of anything. I had poison in my system. Yep! People out there still with their narcs, get out yesterday!!!
he also used to gossip about me to people telling them that I was a lazy freeloader because he didn't wanna be the primary earner even though he made more money than me at one point. He kept pushing and pressuring me to earn more money so he wouldn't feel like I was using him!
my ex husband used to yell: YOU SUCK!!! And the only thing I could think was: How old is this guy, 12???
crazy bipolar woman? What if her presciptions confirm all this, and her actions and records I have of what she lacked in common sense? There are some bad owman out there, I would like to explain but then again it could be me as well and what I feel is right and wrong.
I also wonder whether us scapegoat kids are in a permanent devalue loop …
"Getting rid" of people who don't fit into their deluded self-image anymore seems to definitely be their thing.
Rachel's scapegoat brother was put into reformatory(!) She's got the Youtube channel 'Escape from Narcissism'. Here is her story:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOmu0aX5KCI&list=PLHE7eizILzXu2yZCpa3byZkX8yiP53U23&index=7
I've 'only' been put into a boarding school in a foreign country. 😉 It is clear, that at the time they did it, I didn't fit their storyline anymore.
I found you tonight and watched all the videos up to this one ( I will watch the rest later). I find your videos so 'right on'. I have been separated from my narcississtic husband for 2 years. This is our second separation. The first one was when our kids were home. I left for almost 4 years. I had no inkling of a narcissist personality. I believed he changed. Anyway, we got back together. It was ok for awhile and then the same abuse (emotional) started back. We married in 1988….separated '92 to '96. He has had about 25 jobs in a 27 year marriage. He is a classic narcissist. He dreams HUGE dreams. He is a drummer and dreams of being the 'drum king' of all drummers. He is an ok drummer but since everyone that he knows in the circle of musicians tell him he is good, he believes it and our living situation always controlled by where we lived so he could play for 8 plus hours a day. He wanted me to give up my disability on Social Security ( I have multiple surgeries on my legs, hand, feet, hips…..30+) but I didn't want to give that up because I knew he wanted to not work.
Mean to his step child (my son) and loved our daughter together….he was very biased. This went on for years. Fast forward to both kids are married and he wanted us to move to a city 2 hours away …away from family and friends. My son lives there but he had a bad relationship with him. But my son got him a job at Walmart. Bought us a trailer to live in to move closer. Robbie still loved him and tried to make a relationship work. (I am blessed with 2 great kids) :).
So, we moved in the little trailer. It lasted 4 months. I could not take it. The loneliness, the starving, (we had no money), the black mood, the making me feel like I am stupid, or that I have no memory, or that I question my own sanity, …….and here is why I finally left….
we were going to go take our dog potty. We had no money and a quarter of a tank of gas. We had to drive to potty her because we lived in a small RV park. We lived in a 19 foot trailer.. (He still lives in it) So, I said "why don't we go take her to the fairgrounds (it was 2 miles). He said….no, we cant afford it. I said she needs to run (she is a Border Collie…needs to run. He just stared and got in the car. So he started driving. He headed to the fairgrounds. I said I thought we were going to stay close. He stared at me and then kept driving. We got there and let her out to go potty. He let her go for a short time and sternly told her to get back in. She got in and we started driving……..away from town. I said "Where are we going?" He looked at me and then kept driving. I sat for awhile with this horrible dread and fear in the pit of my stomach. He drove for about 3 miles and I said, "Where are we going?" He didn't say anything and stared ahead. I started praying……hard…….within another mile or so, he turned around and went back home. I was sooooo scared…..I knew he was going to do something to me. I decided to leave. I called my mom and brother and my brother came and got me. I am very fortunate and have a great family support system. I am so happy now and have grown. I will never live like that again. The only issue I have to not divorcing so far is that we have 3 cats in that dinky trailer. He is mean to animals. I have a special cat there that I want to rescue…..actually all of them . But the one cat he knows I love him and I believe he will hurt them. So, i am planning on getting my own place now and will get them and then file. If I have any advice to anyone who is still with someone like this, get out of it before it's too late. My whole family wanted me out of it. Even the kids beg me not to go back……………..and I won't!!!!!
my narcissist told me that I was lucky that he was not the kind of person who get "a hit out on my husband" .I was married when I left to be with my narcissist , and was planning to leave him and return to my husband. THATS when I knew he was dangerous
Thank you for your videos. I was dating a covert narcissist for a month. He definately did the shower me with love thing and twice, he devalued me, I forgave him the first time, but the second time, I broke it off. He was discarding me, now that I think about. I caught him sleezing around online and tried to blame it all on me! Thankfully I've done a lot of counseling and work and I'm able to listen to my "spidey sense" and I'm not gonna tolerate this from anyone.
My ex actually made me feel amazing, that was one of the hardest things. I had very little self confidence, and he built me up. Then I ended it because we weren't moving forward. But he kept saying how much he missed we and we slept together. I just found out two weeks after that, he got married to his best woman friend who he used to tell me was "just one of the guys". Devastated.
Oh my… Ive been watching these a little at a time and I keep nodding head and smiling. I've been all over the map trying to answer the question, what is wrong with my ex??
after five years of raising 3 of his children from previous marriages to "crazy, incompent" women, I finally fled with our own two year old and left everything. he is so dangerous and volatile. I thought he was going to kill me.
Anyway, long story short, the exwives got their children back, I've acheived safety for myself and my son but, WOW!!! Its been a fight!
Turns out that my older brother I've always idealized but never knew well is even worse.
So I wonder, is there a pattern of women with this personality in their family falling for it. maybe a familiar comfort?
There's a lot to this story but, really I just never want to fall into it again. I wonder if I can trust myself not to.
AND, if I bested this creep, am I really ever safe?
seems like there were always lots of "jabs" that kind of had the ring of a shared joke or jest, so that i was compelled to laugh along good naturedly, even tho they always felt disparaging and dismissive on some level. part of it was the consistency – these off-color coments were so small, but so constant. i call it the narc "campaign". it never ends.
About that cluster you were talking about; Narcissists scare me way more than Sociopaths!
wow. I have been mentally and emotionally beat down and I feel dead inside. Argument and accusation over the same thing over and over. She cannot move forward. I am not even sure of what I have done. Tearing me apart. It is hard to get away when you have a child with autism that you don't want leave with them.
I live with an 'older' (65) Narc. and he drives me nuts! Obsessed about his body and body functions! Always talks about his bowels and always uses 3 words in his vocab. 'I…ME…and MINE'… Been trying to get out of here for almost 2 yrs and keep praying for a way out. He's just totally crazy.Thanks….
Thank you for the post.
''Blasphemare absens fides'' =The dangers of the faithless. When people don't have faith (or are missing confidence), they are prone to attack things/others with abuse. People who've lost their beliefs, they're like empty vessels, more susceptible to having their lives taken over by forces bigger than themselves.
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Good faith (Latin: bona fides) is fair and open dealing in human interactions.