Subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/c/ThriveAfterAbuse Instagram: www.Instagram.com/ThriveAfterAbuse Website: www.ThriveAfterAbuse.com Red Flag #37: …
source
Red Flag of a Narcissist #37: Their Justifications Only Make Sense to You
Related posts
-
Great YouTube channel explains that pet cats can be victims of Narcissistic abuse too – Danish Bashir
Great YouTube channel explains that pet cats can be victims of Narcissistic abuse too – Danish... -
3 (+1) early signs you are dating a Narcissist
Discussing 3 tell-tale signs you may have entered into relationship with a Narcissist. See if you... -
Snippy and Me: Black Guy
The ongoing saga of two embattled best friends – a genetically engineered conservative sociopath played by...
For me, the empty bucket is only partly from childhood; mostly, it's from not reaping the rewards/benefits of all the work, sacrifices, and time I've put into my adult life. It seems the men that have been attracted to me carry some deep seated belief that women are disposable; even those not involved with me often appear to have no real respect or loyalty to their mates. I always thought that's why we gals tend to compliment each other and take notice of one another's accomplishments. Sadly, even the women merely lip-sink their kudos these days.
I was aware of my "empty bucket" before the Covert Narcissist… guess I was aware of that empty bucket the entire relationship too. But I don't believe the empty bucket got me there, but it sure kept me there. And unfortunately, the empty bucket is what I'm left holding today. Yesterday, I asked myself what I'd be doing if I'd remained in the relationship; my very unhappy, ignored and unloved cousin pulled into my driveway just then. What timing! I knew that at least I could begin to hope again for love in the future (not yet there now) whereas, she is just stuck in the hopelessness of it all.
Mine accused me of cheating with everyone, every time I brought up his harem. I eventually couldn't keep my head buried in denial.
I'd be so grateful if you could leave the bits of text on the screen for longer, so I can read them and listen to what you're saying at the same time 🙂 Thank you for your films
My ex piece of shit was repeating constantly that he is loyal by default… he didn't know that I know, because he couldn't know how I actually manipulated others to find out 🙂 so he would spin the story with ''How can I trust you when you don't trust me, how can I be with someone that doesn't trust me'' although I would just ask with normal tone, not attack. After break up i found out – again from my manipulated sources – that he was seeing others all this time. Silent treatment would take place after that to punish me for asking even… He convinced me that we were special and that I was love of his life. He left me with silent treatment actually, after he destroyed my family, my nerves and after I did the last thing he asked me to do. He was the worst person that I ever met in my life for what he have done to me. Psycho, I feel sorry for people close to him that he treats the same way, with disrespect and silent treatments.
Dana….you have helped me so much I can't begin to say. Thank you for saving my life <3
I blamed all the verbal abuse and what I thought was cheating but never had concrete evidence on on that I told myself that the recent ex might be autistic like his oldest child. I saw his lack of empathy, I believed his lies about not understanding flirting and social queues. It made sooooo much sense to me! Finally the last month I began venting on Facebook about what I said was clearly verbal abuse, but since I thought he was autistic could he really be blamed? Lots of my friends had to point out that even if he was autistic he had no right to say the things to me that he did. It began clicking more and more. Especially when I was homeschooling his oldest child that was living with us and me and the therapist was teaching that kid verbal abuse. I tried getting the ex into therapy but that's when things got nasty and he began making plans to leave me for another woman…
This thing with bucket is great. Love your vids and I'm happy I found you 🙂 Lots of love.
I think most people are aware of narcissists. They just don't call them by the psychological term. They just call them assholes.
Hi Dana. I get an intellectual buzz from watching your videos. I do not have any more problems with narcissists than the next guy. Regardless, I find your videos to be very interesting, and have chosen to watch them over some high-production-value documentaries because your talks are more informative and entertaining. I attribute that to your fine eloquence and organization. Please keep up the good work.
Thank you, so much, Dana. I've listened to most of your videos and they have really shed light on things for me. You are doing a great service to people :)
Thank you for posting these videos! They have helped me heal so much.
The more I hear these videos, the scarier my last relationship was. It is comforting to know others have gone through this as well. All the lies, excuses, long, drawn out stories that don't make sense. I spent a long time (and still do) feel really guilty at times for things that ultimately weren't even my fault nor had anything to do with me. I literally felt like I was the crazy one for months until I left and could see things a little more clearly.
i got stranded at work, cuz my truck battery died, i had nissan road assistance, i had to call them 5 times to get help. but the call kept getting canceled cuz when nissan road assistance called walmart they could not get ahold of me cuz i was with my vehicle and explained the situation completely to the nissan rep. the 6th rep finally gave me the actual company that would come out to fix the battery or give me a tow the previous reps refused to do that saying that was not their policy i waited another hour then called sares wrecking myself and they said they would come that nissan got ahold of them but because they could not call me they canceled it, but they would be right out since i called and still do it for free via nissan road side. i worked 10 hrs, was stuck for 4 hours at walmart parking lot waiting for assistance because of nissan not understanding or carring about my situation. when i got home my guy was mad. i tried to explain why it took so long and all he said was "i don't want to hear your excuses!" he tested my battery and it was good according to his testing. yet a month later nissan dealer ship tested my battery and it passed on test and failed the second, the battery was 6 years old! so when some one says misunderstandings are cleared up in minutes, and that if someone has a confusing stories with details they are lyeing is really a trigger for me, cuz when something goes wrong for me its always a comedy of errors. my guy mistook me for a narc and acted accordingly everytime an issue happen to me he called it EXCUSES and assumed the worst of me. I switched to tripple A and when my car has an issue there is less chaos and miscommunication lol
The word "Syndrome" sounds really heavy, but in fact it is like a Macy's Parade lifesize balloon elephant which is filled with gas that is actually lighter than air.
"Syndrome" just means pattern. That's all it means. It's just an observed pattern, nothing more. "Disorder" is a similarly non-concrete term, which is just used to aid in classifying things, like a file-folder alphabetizing system. The suffix "ism" is another non-concrete classification aid, that simply implies the presence of a condition or a pattern, but should not be taken to mean anything specifically treatable or insurmountable.
When the people in the white lab coats with the framed diplomas on their walls use phrases ending with "Syndrome" or "Disorder" or "ism", people's blood pressure goes up and they start thinking it's "Serious" and that they "have" something. Syndrome doesn't mean you "have" something, it just means someone can compare something about you to patterns that have been observed in other people. If you wear a blue shirt, for instance, anyone can see you and compare you to all other people who have ever worn a blue shirt, and say you have "Blue Shirt Syndrome". That doesn't prevent you from being able to take off that shirt any time you feel like it. And that's how most syndromes are.
Thank you so much! Your video are so helpful and have helped me through a difficult time.
Thanks for this video! Now I understand why I managed to stay for almost 3 years tolerating all this bullsh*t and drama in my life.
Awww, this was very helpful more then you realize. Thank you<3
Wow. The times when I have felt safest and most stable were when I was single and in control of my own finances, which I've always managed reasonably well. Paradoxically, whilst being part of a couple should offer more security I've found it to be the opposite. In a relationship, especially when living under the same roof, my finances became less manageable. "Look at what I bought babe!" or worse "Oh, you found out about what I bought because the electricity bill bounced" – aye, now I have to find the money to pay the portion of the bills you blew the money for.
My sweethearts previously were either under my roof or we rented together, so it is a pleasure to be able to say for the first time "Too bad, I contribute this much, it's your house and if you lose it it's your problem".
A video on low IQ narcissists would be a treat. Can't decide if my partner of 6 years is a narcissist or has something else going on like ADHD or maybe got dropped on his head at an early age. Not a bad guy or totally irresponsible, but a crazy-making Philistine for sure who you would have to hit over the head with a shovel to stop him talking incessant drivel.
I feel the need to be single again…
The DETAIL of the lies!
love your playlist on red flags been so much understanding that it was not my fault
omg….can absolutely relate…story of my life
Why not list them?
Why not put bullet points of your videos in writing at the bottom of your vidoes instead of the click thrus that pop up?
Can I list them?
Please cut to the chase on your videos.
Why the drawn out anecdotes first and then the bury the highlights in long videos? its a very inefficient way of helping folks in need of genuine help ?
Maybe you just enjoy the soap box? Adoration adiction?
1. Cognitive Dissonnace
2. Stockholm syndrome
3. Pain avoidance
4. We're rarely upset for the reasons we think
5. Everything we do is to meet some sort of need
6. Maslow's hierarchy of needs: physical, emotional, cognitive, goals/wants/transcendence
7. Empty Buckets
Dear Dana i have the same need as you not having enough affection and attention as a child. What exactly are you doing to fill that void?
Thank you Dana!
Dana you are so pretty! What's your ethnicity if you don't mind me asking
Dana, your videos have helped me so much to recover and rebuild myself. Your videos keep getting better and better. I watch them anytime I feel down or think about the awful experiences of my past toxic relationships. jus wanted to say Thank you!
I have learned more from you and your videos than I had in months and months of trauma therapy. You keep hitting the nail on the head. Thank you for making me feel not alone. It's easier not to go back when I realize the relationship and person I cared for never existed. I am a survivor not a victim :)
LOVE LOVE LOVE your red flag series. I sit here and just write them all down and yet…I already know this stuff but to have verbiage finally……..so friggin grateful.
P.S. Very pretty too girl..WEERRKK.
100%
I do realise you have done videos but I am not being a chauvanist when I said what I said. I have come to realise that I did really suffer with my narc and it continues to this day, she sends her messages through her actions as I am sure it will get back to me somehow via the grapevine. I went a long while thinking I was the narc after her projections and gaslighting. She taught me about this demonic way by barraging me for a minimum of a year. I did begin to think 'She may have a point' so i sought Psychiatric help.
No offense meant but I just wanted to tell my story.
Well that made a lot of sense to me.
Justifications only make sense until I repeat it to someone else, then it's ridiculous and hilarious.
THANK YOU for the tools to help us stay out of this dynamic in our futures.
Also the sound and pic seemed better.
This is great but I am a man and I suffered with this text messages demanding sex to my wife and my wifes excuses for it was things like 'Oh he is probably drunk' or he is learning english. Why is it only based on men. I am not complaining but really can we just see that some men are victims.
Dana, I understand what your getting at in terms of meeting your own needs, but then why even bother with being in any relationship at all. The other person should be meeting some need for you or you have no reason to invest in the relationship at all. Is your idea of a healthy relationship one of indifference? For example, if someone has a sexual need should they fill that empty bucket by having multiple partners in the wings or by having a call girl on retainer? I thought that sexual needs are suppose to be met by a persons significant other. If you can get all the rest of your needs met by other means then that's the only thing left for your partner to meet and if they are a manipulative person withholding sex can be used as a weapon in the relationship. What are your thoughts on this Dana?
Thank you for all your expositions of this sad place to have arrive. I bringing to comprehend all of this. I too had a revelation about the movie mentioned. much more later D'Anna btw I too have a visceral response to the Gaslight movie.
The thing that worries me is I see myself in a lot of these behaviours mentioned. I got (and get) very angry when I can't get through to her about the situation and predominately the kids. I used to get very angry at her lies and refusal to operate as a couple – so I disengaged and then began to be extremely stubborn about what I saw as maintaining my identity, at times at the expense of the kids (she would often 'trump' me if I suggested something so I gave up). Is this not me simply being throughly selfish?