https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100011187905728 Many of us don’t understand why we can’t stop thinking about the abuser, despite all that has …
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Trauma Bonding: How Do I Stop Thinking about the Narcissist?
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I just really love you so much. Your videos have helped affirm my inner witness. None of the things my ex put me through, would I EVER do to him. I'm just so thankful for you.I mean it….jeez.
What a great video. I really appreciate it.
I found I have to really be firm that I am going to handle whatever it is because the narcissist loves to feel like the rescuer and demand that he is going to handle "IT", whatever it is, and he demands this in a snotty way rejecting any input from me. Therefore, I need to be prepared early on the say, NO, I am handling this, back off buster, take me where I want to go or let me out of the car now.
It has been some time, no contact, but now I am thinking "if I had been more assertive" "if I had called him out more on all his bullshit" than he would not still be doing narcissistic things and he would not be miserable and we would all be happy and we would have some history of fixing abusive situations, a way of dealing, rather then just bullying and fear. If I had just said what I wanted to say all those times, if I had just gone over there and confronted him. WHY DIDN"T I, is the phrase of the day. Wish I had, is also the phase of the day. The next time someone pulls shit on me I might not make a lot of sense but they are going to get an ear full. I hope I do not embarrass myself. I think I need to also give myself permission to literally say nothing to the assholes of life, absolutely no response to them.
Friends don't get it. I found that I need someone to talk to so badly that I end of sounding like a narcissist myself. So I have decided to keep it to myself and just listen to everything on youtube I can find and read every thing I can get my hands on and just sit back and make my plan of escape.
wow your thoughts on going to the narc with your anxieties and how that effects you when you are discarded is just so original and insightful for me. Thank you. My husband met me at my worst in my late teens when I had very bad anxiety. He became my hero. Now after 11 years of marriage and kids he has discarded us to see what else is out there. This helps me to really see how I am so struck with FEAR and I have even expressed that to him since he has left. I wish I had seen this before all those begging fearful texts.
Your videos are a lifeline. Thank you.
I had to revisit this. My exN's next target after me killed herself after living with him for a few months 🙁 this got me in a brief cycle of feeling that weird pull these people have on us, plus a flood of memories, all mixed up into a feeling he was devaluing and discarding her and that is what happened. I felt a "bond" with him to be with all that mess that I had to re-fight off. I started dipping too, partially watching in horror (he put her photo as his profile pic and was getting supply through sympathy) and partially realizing I still have this fucking "bond" and wanting to break it for good. Thanks for letting me blab 🙂 i am seeking some ideas to get me out of this recent layer of realization. Thank you xo
Your videos are so helpful, this is the 3rd time i have been " discarded" by this person. I actually found out that he was cheating and he flipped every thing on me. Two days later, I almost called him up to apologize for violating his privacy. I'm fighting this everyday, im meditating, listening to Quantum Healing. I havent left my couch in two days. I keep wondering who he is entertaining this weekend. It's hard. I keep watching your videos to feel sane. It's like my brain is in a fog. Taking mini steps I guess.
"He does not deserve to hear a word from you." PREACH!!!
I moved out after he left for work. That was it. No contact. I eliminated any way he could contact me, i.e., phone, email, church, job, clubs, social media, and moved far away.
It wasn't easy, but life-saving.
I don't usually endorse the use of pharmaceuticals but Trazadone helped me to sleep.
Every day we put between us and the narc gets better. As long as we aren't being self destructive, whatever gets us through the early days will allow the brain and heart to heal.
Thank you for this video. I'm currently trying to stay away from an ex that I believe is a narcissist. It is just mind blowing that you mention things that are exactly like what he would do.
He has so many great qualities! He can be so great! But there is a monster underneath… Surely there is a way to change them!
Can I change him!? Can he be helped!?!?
if i had this imfo last year i would have done things differently…….. i am near being discarded AGAIN.
Love your videos. Keep up the great work.
Never really thought my x Narc doesn't need to ever hear from me before, she doesn't deserve it , its been a long time and I'm passed all this, but this is a great message to hear for it makes me feel I did the right thing by disappearing from her, which was very difficult at that time, So yea I know the pain is making yourself do what you need to do but don't want too !!!!
I go well and start to pick up, then reality that I am my age, alone, had all supports around me lost ( realising that I have been brought up with narcissists and most of my friendships) and I am like an orange tan left out of the gang, this in itself is traumatising. I haven't got anything, except one beautiful daughter, who is angry and hurt by me, because I was lost in 27 years of abuse, having not really been the mother she needed. I sometimes wish to die, but then the thought comes, that would be his victory. Not gonna happen. Get busy living or get busy dieting, love that line from the Shawshank redemption. I miss him, he was wonderful, like Heathcliffe from Wuthering heights, but I am not Kate bush anymore. He was an artist. Needy? Oh yeh. It's very dramatic and heart raping. In a way, it is like dieing, and being reborn to end a narcissistic relationship. I would like to get my pic up, but don't have the device here for that. I am 45. In Australia. Sydney.
thanks for this.much needed for me
I put all physical reminders of him away…outside under the house. Usually, with most other lovers I've had it would take a while for me to get rid of things they gave me or that remind me of them, and it would be upsetting to do so, but with him I did it within a day of kicking him out, which felt so relieving, and I buried gifts he gave me in the ground in graves…literally. I still have one or two little things but I intend to get rid of them too.
It just helped so much to not have any reminders of the person in my home. It kinda got rid of his energy…or helped seperate his energy from mine in a way.
Oh, and I did a REALLY really great little ritual that helped immensely and I highly recommend everyone try it. I simply formed a circle with fairy lights I have, and sat inside it with some pink paper, and wrote all the names of people who are healthy for me and all the ones who weren't…his name included at the top of that list…and I placed all the healthy ones in a box inside the circle with me, and placed all the ones who were not healthy for me outside of the circle. Symbolic of who is allowed in my personal circle of friends and who is not allowed to breach my boundaries and is now OUT.
You will be amazed at how well this works, and you will FEEL the detachment occurring at an emotional level, almost straight away. That's all you have to do. I put the box with the unhealthy people outside under my house out of sight. and keep the healthy ones on my window sill so I can see it. It really helped me connect with mySelf again and realise the importance of forgiving myself and reconnecting with myself as my best friend.
I also did energy healing work and cut cords between us at an energetic level. So many people are unaware of how the human energy field operates and how we are all connected. Energy cords keep us binded to harmful energy between you and others and narcs are toxic. Removing all cords is very worthwhile. I had someone help me with it just yesterday and today the urge to think about him has all but left. They can continue sucking your energy long after they or you leave…through these cords. It's important to remove them.
Awesome Video!! The Melatonin helps. I also do videos just for myself to watch. It's amazing to hear yourself talk through it. You're a beautiful person inside and out. Peace and JOY to you!!
I once heard a radio article about bananas being beneficial to treating depression. The presenter was interviewing her guest who was in her 70s or 80s and had recently lost her husband of 60 years. This guest was talking about not wanting to commence medications and instead ate bananas three times per day. Briefly bananas contain the substance, tryptophan, which is converted into seratonin (happy hormone) creating a feeling of wellbeing and improves mood. There are also many other health benefits as well. Worked for me.
Cheers
CatB
Excellent video . It's so good to hear your authentic feelings and experiences of dealing with this issue . And the constructive suggestions . Thank you ! Have you checked out Melanie Tonia Evans work in this field . She has some great advice as well on how to heal and regain your sense of self . She has theories of how our childhood traumas are what makes us vulnerable to narcissists abuse . Your honest and genuine sharing is very much appreciated . Thank you again !
Annabel, are you single?
Thank you; spot-on. People do not understand or even know what to say (other than weak and mundane words of cliches) to another human being who has gone through the gauntlet of Narcissistic abuse; ONLY unless that person talking has done like wise, and who feels also so vulnerable. The damages done by NPD, which never "times-out" is self evident that deserving to hear anything ever again is none existent. I hope I said that right…because I too am but one year in trying to re cope life after such like encounter…there was life before experiencing the abuse, and there has to be life after, because we are still here…its a a matter of finding it, and the purpose we once had to live it again; being another person, and not to again dwell on the narcissist.
So glad I found your video. I am 5 weeks into a 'final discard' and have done so much research online, but a lot of it is heavy going and some level of psycho babble (if that makes sense), it's been exhausting to be honest…. Your presentation is so down to earth and approachable, and you come across 'like a friend' – I've really taken a lot of comfort in what you've said on your video, and it's almost mirrored exactly what I have been and are currently going through, to the word. Thank you so much – you come across as a good soul, and I need a few of those at the moment 🙂 xx
i know exactly how she operates. always first to help superficially. she finds out whats going on, but keeps certain things to herself. then she lets the other 2 sisters do the more seen abusing. she really makes the most of the pointing out to me things the others have done. and is far more scheming with actual set ups using the others. unbelievable. its her 8th daughter in law/live in partner of her 47 year old son.
tackling the eldest puppet master family don, resulted in my gp paying me a visit with family concerns about my halucinations and capabilities. aagh she had threatened to have me sectioned because i queeried factual activities behind her daughter in laws back.
extremely dangerous because they join up in agreement, against their own words.
first 12 years i was a care giver to a student, trainee. then it began and stupidly i remained a further 17 years. all9wing the destruction of my 2 babies. then 3 grandiose sisters exploited my drop in status. at 60+ i realised these people are all crazy. denying in all the ways we know, that i had all the authentic credentials, and theyd attacked all realities to gain in various ways. losing me a-z including true identity. thankyou xx
I am so grateful for your videos. It is so similair to my story & the things you share is tremendously helpful for me. Thanks again!!!!
O, Annabel, you don't know how important this video is to me. When the anxiety comes I just stay quiet and cry…..it works its way out of me into the air and I don't need numb myself or wear out my loved ones.. I feel the worst is over, my thoughts have been allowed. Then I try very hard to pick myself up and deal with the task in hand. Everyday I feel a tiny bit more whole.
..a thousand thumbs up….
It' s been a year since the last contact and I feel 90% healed… and I remember a year ago thinking will this pain, anger ever go away? Will I survive it? Now I can honestly say… yes, it's possible to heal..but it takes so much time and perseverance… each day is a little bit better and easier and now I feel like this was just some bad dream :)