At first, the narcissist is usually a dream come true so the victim finds very difficult to break the relationship with the narcissist. Visit HealthyPlace for in-depth …
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Why Victims of Narcissists Can’t Let Go the Narcissist?
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Why can't narcissists get enuff of Ytube ?Why R their lives worth only the degree of attention & irresponsibility ~ they can earn via this venue ?
O.O
This video gets very convoluted towards the end, might have to wait for the Reader's Digest version. I always suspect professionals obfuscate things as a way of intellectual protectionism so they can make fallacious claims of authority
I am in the rage stage this moment
I feel I want to break up with my father who is narc to his bone marrow, but I can't.
You can divorce a husband or break off with boy friend….but with a father???
I am also recanting my father's advice about taking my depression and anxiety and meds. Is it really the only advice he could give me? Or do terms of parenthood include sickening one's children, driving them crazy, then advising them to take their meds???
So. True.
If I experience these things, isn't it me with the problem too though?…cause i experienced alot of this (not the first half of denial) but a lot of the other stuff…& I sure feel AND look like the crazy one…I honestly can't decide
Indeed it is a rollercoaster ride, no belt, no buckle, hang on for dear life! 22 years, I am uncovering and recalling more and more each day. thank god I got out alive and now to patch it back together. it is both
Devastating and yet an incredible relief (imagine that!) to find your spouse is a malignant covert narcissist, with a sadistic streak a mile wide ….thank you for ALL your contributions, Sam.
I am so broken can't belive he would do me like this. I hurt so oooo bad
Excellent insight and delivery.
While i sympathize with the many women that have been abused narcisstic men, there are equally abusive narcisstic women; infact narcissistic women maybe more emotionally abusive (playing games), and also society lets them get away with it. My experience with a narcisstic women was so horrible. Reading blogs and watching videos that seem to imply only men as narcissists makes me doubt myself about my experience, and I wonder if I should have been more man enough cause, you know, i was not supposed to be abused by a narcisstic women. A blog that explains the narcisstic women is shrink4men by Dr. Tara, who tells it as it is.
wow my brain just woke up! thanks so much
I'm gonna make it through this crap and be healthy. I'm gonna get myself to 100%. I won't let the abuse bring me down anymore.
HELPFUL Indeed. Thank you I have found all your videos,an amazing interesting,and much thought provoking !
Mr V, thank you. I have to watch your video occaisionally to keep me "on track" & not let depression & sadness get to me. You bring me back to reality. I appreciate you so much.
Do you think a borderline could be an inverted narcasist? Sacrificing herself to a narcissist as a form of punishment/self harm…
Good video
Yes… no one can ever real love you like the Narc fakes loves you.
Everything wasn't All bad because I believe he is a good person.just sick.looong before me.over the year of our relationship.I did a lot of staying then leaving.and all I wantd was only him.but I realized he was abusive and a very angry boy.yes yu feel sorry for them but yu also have tu realize its not yur problem or fault tht they think n act the way they do …glad I left.smh
My Mom is still probably talking shit about me to everyone, shes done this all her life in a very fuckingly annoying convincing way. So many people believed there was something wrong with me, even doctors, she put on the "caring mother" mask.
No words explain my hatred.
This is very troubling for me because it seemed my mother was nice to literally everyone except me, I was her one true scapegoat…Could see my "faults" for miles and she sure loved to tell me about them, or how great she was for paying the bills, not even to mention how much of a pussy my father is…. Are you sure my mother does this to other people in her life I mean she seems so anti-social. Works all day then has a drink and goes to sleep…
Who does my mother feed off now that I've withdrawn from the ship I was on with her.
Thank-you Sam. You speak the truth.
Yeah, it is hard to accept that you are just a pawn and if you are gone there will be another one to take your place- as the N. will recycle and renew with great vitality and can go from one partner to the next without thinking of the past or what happened causing the last relationship to not work out. It is scary as there is little self-awareness and they will point the finger at you for their problems. The process of letting go seems the hardest as you know you are going to go but want to make it as pleasant for yourself as possible otherwise the grandiose rage will set the house on fire and burn everything around and the sanctions will be put in place to cause more obstacles for you, and the strings will be immediately cut if you do not conform to what the narcissist wants or needs that very moment. Then you feel this utter sadness for someone who was not loved or cared for the way they needed to be and the pity comes, yet the reality is that you really cannot remain on a roller coaster ride too much longer or perhaps even a moment longer so you make the decision to get off and walk away… as you look back the N. remains and eventually changes the packaging or outer appearance a bit so he is able to victimize again… but this time, it won't be you…and hope it will be someone who can live with a N. and worship them and fulfill their every need as they are somehow and someway are used to their archaic Chinese, on other words can handle abuse… another narcissist is also a good choice for the narcissist as they can cancel each other out and maintain a relationship together for some time as they know each other and their aims are somewhat similar in life.
I think if it's the narcissist that leaves you, you may have not figured out by then the nature of the relationship and that it was indeed narcissistic abuse – you may not be even familiar with the term. He made it seem like everything was your fault, including the break-up, so the main problem is actually not the loss of the narcissist per se, but being left in the dark about what it was you engaged in the last few years and why it ended despite you giving it your all. You're cut off from ever finding out, it seems. As long as there was the narc, there was hope for clarity and working it out. When he's gone, you're left in the dark, feeling both guilty and ashamed, it becomes hard to bear those contradictory feelings – you don't know whether you'd hurt him and he was the victim or you were the victim. So I think it's not just the loss of the illusion of what he could have been. It's the confusion that becomes so unbearable, unless, of course, you learn – through research or your therapist (part of the problem is therapists are not quick to identify narcissitic abuse victims) or someone else – that your extremely complicated relationship was nothing more than a full-fledged abuse. That knowledge is actually liberating – such a "loss" is not really seen as a loss anymore :)
First of all ,a massive thank you for these videos you have helped me a lot. I worked with a narcissist she was very young a lot younger than me and well in the end i had to leave my dream job i had been doing most of my life with no great reference from that job because of the lies she told to the boss about me , may i add the boss felt so sorry for her as she had depression and would often let her have half days and trips to the nail bar and time off for a boob job! I work with race horses.
You can't "let go" of a pit bull. You can't "let go" of a Gila monster. You'd like to; you didn't ask to have this Gila monster's teeth in your life at all, much less all your life. This one is Iago; he wants me to think "Phil Moskowitz" is the psychopathic narcissist, just as he wanted Phil to think I was betraying him. the one who has taken over my life with cruelty. That must have been fun for Iago 45 or so years ago. But Phil Moskowitz: he thought "Wing Fat" was funny, that he could get by with murder by being so good looking. But Phil did not think too highly of that. Phil was neither a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. He was too decent a guy.
Iago, get a life. Not mine.
Because it was the only one putting up with them? The only ones patient enough to tolerate the argument provocation constant turmoil caused by the real narcissist : YOU.
Silly questions, I wonder if narcissists had girlfriends when they were children and If they are more likely to be left handed.
Sam, I have been learning about the many dynamics of Narcissists from you. I have a serious question. "If it is true, as it seems to be true…that Narcissistic people are the result of Narcissistic parents, is there any possible way that such a cycle is interrupted and broken?" As I recall some of the counsel I was given as a young person, who survived a great deal of dysfunction, it somewhat astounds me. In point of fact, acting on this counsel, might well become the so called, evidence of narcissism, just as perhaps continuing to remain in a victim mentality would have also done.
It seems people who come from harsh circumstances are sort of damned if they do and damned if they don't. While it is true that there are experiences in which the kinds of psychic pain inflicted, are very difficult for others who have not been subjected such anguish to comprehend. Does this mean, they see themselves as being outside of, or above the ability for others to form a bond of understanding?
For example, just as a frame of reference; Why does an ape who longs for freedom, not get up and leave once the door to her cage is left wide open (as we can read is a real life scenario) ? I do not say this in jest or mockingly…But is the ape a Narcissist who wishes to dwell in an identity of suffering, or is the ape, at a loss to know what is possible at that point, and therefore will make one error after another if it does leave the cage?
How does anyone who has been kept from their potential by narcissistic caretakers or parents, discover solutions without a series of trial and error? It also seems true to me that the only normal reaction to an abnormal situation, is an abnormal reaction. When the choices an injured person makes do not help but hurt their chances of gaining greater wholeness and self awareness, what can they do but admit it and start again? By attempt a new approach, to make a different and hopefully BETTER choice, is this the same as Narcissism?
The struggle for wholeness appears to have the same earmarks as what you describe as Narcissistic behavior but it is the same? What if any distinctions exist? Further, if a parent was a Narcissist, will the adult children be drawn to Narcissistic spouses? How is the dynamic changed if ever?
I was with a narcissist for four years and it was mostly because I felt sorry for him. I loved how intelligent he was and found his compulsive obsession with cleanliness and order endearing. At first he pretended to be a man of virtue and integrity, but that quickly evaporated as he started cutting me down early on in our relationship. After some time I started to think of him as retarded. I even told him he's the dumbest smart person I've ever met, and it was true. He was so obsessed with all the things that don't matter… beauty, status, popularity… I got so bored with the monotonous lifestyle he leads. Wake up, make bed, go to work, to gym, go home… go to parties to show off to random strangers… try to impress stupid people…. It was so boring and lame, and on top of that, he was so abusive. Another thing that confused me for a while is how hard he tried to keep me. He crawled over broken glass and would be literally on his knees crying when I would say I want to leave. He would try to control me with money and make me feel guilty by buying me things, and I didn't understand why he wanted to keep me so much if he didn't love me. I couldn't think like him so I didn't understand it. He thought I was stupid for having standards and caring about important things, and I thought he was mentally retarded because he couldn't see himself or what he was doing. He thought he was always fooling me, even when I knew what he was doing and told him I knew. He thought he was way better looking and sexy than he really was, and thought he looked a lot younger than he did. He thought everyone was jealous of him and everyone spent all their time thinking about him, and it was so annoying because every other day he'd get caught up in a war with someone he thought was obsessed with him. It was hard to leave, but, like he's saying in the video, I had an idealized version of him. I wasn't in love with him, I was in love with the false persona that he put on in the first place, and then once that was gone, all that was left was pity. I felt guilt for abandoning him in his delusional world. But he likes it there and doesn't want to leave, so that's where I left him. He still thinks there's a chance we could get back together, but I have no desire to see him again for any reason. I know he'll never change. I just had to cut my losses and walk away. I lost a lot but I also learned a lot, so once I went through the rage phase, I considered it a deep and profound learning process… about myself, and about human psychology in general. Life is getting good again. 🙂
Well, in my case it was either stay and continue to be used and abused. or file for divorce and be subject to continual allegations of child abuse to the tune of what has now cost me about $30,000. I can understand why some stay…They are hostages.
No doubt if I had not run into Sam Vaknin's videos I would have not been able to put a name or label on the ambient abuse I was subjected to. I had not yet heard the term "gas lighting" until one of my close and dearest childhood friends coined the term. My intuition had been telling me in the months prior to actually abandoning the relationship that something just wasn't right. Knowing something just doesn't feel right and then second guessing yourself, can and will, drive a person to the point of losing it. My former boyfriend began telling me I was paranoid and that I had paranoia psychosis; causing me to become hyper-vigilant. Now that I have educated myself, received counseling, obtained witnesses I am able to comprehend and see the narcissistic person that he was all along. My situation almost cost me and my teenage son our freedom. Ambient abuse is the worst. I would have handled physical abuse better than someone manipulating my mind and then telling me I'm bat sh!t crazy. My ex would belittle me, berate me, even fill the missing gaps of his memory by accusing me of lying and cheating via 20 to 30 text messages nightly; all while we were in the same house, just different rooms. I left 6 months ago and officially moved out months after, stopping all contact or respomses to him. To this day he contacts me, my dad, other close friends and family night after night. It happened to be coincidental coming across Sam Vaknin's informative videos and for that I am grateful. Thank you.
Sam Vaknin is like the coolest psychopath. After Hannibal, of course.
HOLY FUCK!!! Dude, are you some sort of god-like figure who fell from the sky, like, recently?! Amazing!
This made me want a cigarette.
U FEEL NOTHING AND IT IS BREAK UPS HAPPEN TO MOST PEOPLE OF NOT IN MARRIAGE THEN PRIOR TO MARRIAGE AND YES THIS IS EXTREMELY PAI8NFUL BUT GENERALLY SUCH A BREAKUP DOES NOT INCLUDE THE BRREAK UP HAVING BEEN A PLAN FROM THE BEGINNING WHERE THE RELATIONSHIP WAS ALL WAS EVEN BEGUN DUE TO NARCISSIST NEEDING TO FEED AND FOR THOSE WHOM HAVE HAD A GREAT DEAL OF PAST EMOTIONAL DAMAGE SO WHEN THE ABUSER COMES ALONG AND APPEARS TO BE SO WONDERFUL AND TRULY LOVES THEM TELLS THE VICTIM HE DOES AND SEEMS TO HAVE SACRIFICED SO MUCHY PROVING THEY DO TRU7LY LOVE THE FEMALE SO WHEN HE FIALLY HAS HER UNDER HIS CONTROL.SHE CANNOT NELIEVE I TTO BELIEVE IT IS IMPOSSOIBLE LEADING TO CONFUSING THE ONLY WAY TO COPE WITHOUT GONG NUTS AND HE WONT TELL HER AND SHE HAS NO IDEA THIS A PLAN AND WHEN THIS COMES TO HER MIND IT IS JUST SO AWFULF TO BELIVE SO SHE TRIES TO PUT IT OUT OF HE MIND AND ALL SHE CAL DO IS TINK SHJE MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG FOR HE DOES LOVE HER IT IS NOT A MATTER EVEN OF HER LOVING HIM FOR SHE IS SO NEEDY FOR LOVE AND ON HIS OWN HE HAS APPEARED TO BE THE ONE TO COME TO HER AND TRULY LOVCE HER NOT SO IMPORTANT HOW MUCH SHE ]LVLOES HIM FOR ME I DONT T HINHK I WAS EVER IN LVOE WITH HIM I WAS JUST SO SO HAPPY THAT AN INTERESTINGF Man was or seemed to nbe so so mucch in lovce with me whjom no one had ever loved nd i though wow my ship has finally come in i am l,ovelable this is a good man he is sacrificingt everything his entire life for me i am sorthj swomething he tellls me so he will do anytrhng for me not that i use this ust i feel finally lovfed and this is all liebut of cours i cannnt fact thjois and not knowing this sort of gamed so i8 am going nuts i dont know what to do the man who loed me less than 2 months agfo woudl die for me leftr hos wife of 34 yrs for me now is is sayi8ng the ugliest things far worse than the people in my life whom i thoughg had hurt me no this is original sht and god it hurtsz but i cannot bekiueve iut no way no way so being also not possiblew tpoleaveand him telling me how awful i am ki triy to be better the etter i am the worse he tells me i am this so coinfusoing i gon nuts je is raisingt the bar and i am on tghe floor sobbing going isane begging his to soto the more agony i in the more sadisitic hed is i am anboit to jup out the window scramingf maonging out5 of my nmind having a total brak and he gtelling me it is me he loved me so so much but i killed hos ownderful love for me bedause i so awfulk i START FIGHTS HE SO GOOD AND I SUCH A BAD PERSON HE SAZS THIS BECAUSE I HAVE CONFIDED IN HIM THAT I HAVE NOT HAD MANY FRIEND OR FEARS THAT I AM NOT LIELABLE WHICH IN PAST HE HAS SAID U SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOVEABLE ALL OF A SUDDEN HE SAYS U NEVER WREE LOVABLE U CANT DO ANYTHNG RIGHT U TO THIS OR THAT OR WHTEVER AND SO ARUFL AND THIS KILSLL I HAFTE U THEMORE I THINJK OF THIS THE MORE OI HAGTE UR AND H9IM AND THJOIS IS GOOD FOR ME FOR I WONT EVER TALK TLO HIM AGAIN EVEARI WONT FISK CLLURE I WONT SO ANYTHNG BUT HE IS DEAD FOR ME I DONT KNOW HI AMYMORE I FEEL NOTHING FRO MHIM I NEVER LOVED HIM AS I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE I WAS WAHT I LOVED IS HE LOVED ME AND HE INTERSTING AND LIEDS SOME STUFF I LIKED AND HE DID REIFKI AND IT FELT GOOD BUT HIM NO HE IS BORING AND DOESNT TALK AND IS CHEAP AND WE NEVER DID ANYTHING I WOULD NEVER HAVE WANTED TOLIVE WSITH HIM OTHER THAN HE WAS LOVING TO ME FOR THAT I WOULD HAVE STAYED WITH HIM EVN THOUGH HE IS A CRASHING BORE BUT THIS IS WHY I HAVE STRAYED FOUR YEARS FOR HE MADE IT IMOOSSIBE TO LEAVEF HE TOOK ME AWAY FROM ME I TOO ILL NOW AND SO I DIE HERE FOR I TOO WEAK AND SIC AND HALF OF HTIS IS DUE TO SUCH TOTAL LACK OF HIS TREATING ME AS WELL AS HITLER TREATED THE JEWS HI TLER WAS NO PSYCHPATH HE DID WRONG BUT AT LEAST HE HAD A DREAQM AS NISGIUDED AS THE WAY HE WENT ABOUT IT HITLER WASZ NOT A SADIST HE WANTED GOOD FOR HOS PEOPLE AND LOTS HAVE BEEN ANTI SEMITIC SO THIS IS NOT NEW NOT RIGHT BUT NOT NEW SO I SAY HITLER IS A LOT BETTER THAN U A HELUVA LOT BETTER FOR U HAVE NOT ANY GOOD MOTIVE NOT FOR ANY EVNEDEL,USIONAL GPOOD FUCKI U
great video..you have helped me understand so much more about my horrible narcissist relationship..
I was raised by a narcissistic mother and though I've successfully detached from her, and though I'm really good at pegging people most of the time, I get tricked by narcissists in my romantic relationships over, and over and over again. I compare myself to a blind poodle bumping into the same wall. I never see it coming. It's my own pathology I guess and I have no idea how to change it. Can you address this Mr. Vaknin? Todah raba.
Will a narc only act narcissistic toward a spouse? And Perfect behavior around others?
I find it amazing how "good-looking" and "attractive" are always labels used to classify narcissists and histrionics. I know a narcissist who is fat and 60 years old. And a histrionic who is 40 and 360 lb. They don't suddenly stop having the personality disorder simply because they age, go bald, get fat, etc. And isn't it possible that people who were never particularly 'attractive' could have these disorders? After all, one of the characteristics of them is that they delude themselves that they're 'special', 'attractive', 'witty' etc.?
Just dumped some more of his clothes in the garbage. I call it rage release.
My narcissist started as a really nice guy; he wrote me lovely texts and seemed caring. Introduced me to his parents and took me to dinners with them. He wrote a loving card to me before my birthday. He then left for vacation and became absent. He suddenly began to distort my words and said I was the blame for his breaking up with me, then found out he was sleeping with two other women and hid behind the current one who was too lovestruck to understand how disgusting he was. I should've listened to my gut when I noticed he overcompensated with guns and vehicles and an over inflated ego. The most disturbing was how he admitted to shooting cats in his yard and when he once wore a "I love vagina" shirt when we went to a restaurant. The guy lost a lot of weight before I met him and I guess that added to his ego. I feel dumb for listening to others who loved his charisma and not my gut. I should've ran on the first date. Thinking of him makes me sick.
Coded messages. My ex broke into my home while I was hiding out at a womens refuge with my kids and left open on the coffee table a True Detective magazine at the page of a woman who was chopped to pieces and put in a sack. he had underlined in red pen the description of how the woman was killed. I went to the police and my lawyer with the magazine article, but they said there was no proof it was my ex. Well HELLO! I had no other enemies, no-one else had ever threatened to kill me, and I had not been in another relationship. . .