What to Know About The Divorce System: How Bad Can it Get?
The system of family law is inherently flawed. It is adversarial where it should not be. Civil Codes and family laws are ignored. Lawyers perjure themselves for their clients, make character assassinations and other heinous acts as routine as filing a motion. Lawyers are abusive, expensive and when they become the problem instead of the solution, it’s time to say so.
Some who have read this say, “So what? – My divorce was so much worse.” Others refuse to believe it can get this bad. Some of my friends, seeing what was taking place, kept saying, “You have to let the judge know what is going on, this is SO wrong.” To all of them I say, I know there are worse divorces; mine really was this bad and even worse than I describe here; and only in your dreams does someone get to say, “Your Honor, let’s do coffee, let me explain what is really going on.”
The entire divorce had been a huge attempt at concealing fraud, with both men in collusion to conceal it, then Kafkaesquelike, planning to blame it on me.
With breathtaking nonchalance, this attorney was prepared to assist my husband in implicating me in fraud. I was expendable as was our son. I was to be falsely accused, controlled by lack of money, and berated for being overwhelmed.
The judge realized the original order for support was based on false numbers. But what were they?
He offered to paint the living room so I would stay. With that offer I saw how devalued I was in his eyes, and how grand was his sense of entitlement.
Shocked, stunned and filled with rage at the lack of human compassion, at the malignancy that was this process, I felt trapped. But slowly, a change was washing over me. The more I learned about narcissism and evil, the more I gladly wore the badge they pinned on me labeled “target” . They were working very hard to “get me”. So hard that they had to recreate a world in which I am expendable and they are to get their way. Oh, dear husband, you never focused on me during the marriage as you did then. With humor and grace, as Richard Cohen puts it, I look with amusement at how much time, energy and money he directed at me now.
I was distraught, depressed and angry. Alexander Hamilton said, “The first duty of society is justice.” Where the hell was it?
Divorce lawyers taught me not only are women supposed to be inferior, they run their cases as if we actually are. Divorce is a paternalistic system, even with many female attorneys. It is built on control, concealment of information, and a swirl of paperwork that makes the process understood only by the anointed few.
Sometimes I think “law” is an acronym for lawyers against women. While all the men exit stage left, let me say I also believe the law can be an equal opportunity bastard and be unjust, unfair and biased against anyone or anything.
Why is Divorce Often Harder for Women?
Women are not trained to fight and divorce can be war. Women do not believe it will get dirty and nasty. They do not see their spouse as one who can and will do things which harm everyone including the children. But when money and ego are involved spouses can act without a conscience. You may be amazed at the transformation of your spouse, morphing from someone you knew as kind and compassionate to a stranger who fights with a passion.
With an aggressive, greed driven attorney behind him, he can become brainwashed and encouraged to whip himself into a frenzy.
Money translates into power in the legal system. It allows those who want to punish their spouses the ability to do so legally. As long as there is money, there is someone to represent them.
Inquiring minds want to know: is it possible to have a positive legal experience when dealing with a group of people who believe the truth is a manipulative?
Source by Ann Bradley
