Have you ever found yourself addicted to a particular person / relationship? If so, then according to the anecdotal research I’ve been collecting it is very likely the …
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Addiction To A Person? Addiction To A Narcissist
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Why are they so addictive? Because they intuiively hone in on ANY codependancy and play to that. So they will seem to supply whatever it is that other person feels is missing – significance, acceptaance, belonging, etc. They play to the main driving need in the other person. They never fulfill or satisfy of fully deliver, but they do seem to offer that thing the codependant is wanting.
Listening to every video I can find. Thank you for posting and helping us all! Wonderful stories and really great insight.
I was with him for 7 years. I came from a very sheltered home (Christian and home-schooled), and met him online at 16 and then in person almost as soon as I turned 18. The love-bombing lasted for a couple of months. Near the end of the love-bombing period, subtle hints were dropped about how bad of a person I was, and how everyone who thought I was great was poorly misled by me. He felt deceived by me and who I was, and I couldn't figure out why he felt deceived, because I don't remember doing anything of that nature. I was shocked at this new revelation, and I truly believed I was an awful person. I began changing everything about me to fit what he loved and wanted and desired, from the way I dressed to what I thought was funny. Years passed without any recognition of my change, which I thought would win his attention. Instead, he gradually took away kissing me until he never ever kissed me, and he never returned an "I love you", and never said I looked pretty. But still, I remember when he did, and I wanted it back again. The longer I went without it, the more I fantasized about it.
I finally got to a point where I was almost a replica of him. I found myself encouraging his behaviors that I completely disagreed with (morally). He felt he was above everyone, including the law. He spoke of really disturbing things, and he even smiled at how amazing it would be if he could indirectly encourage someone to commit suicide. I felt sick to my stomach and horrified when he spoke this way, but it made him happy if I let him. I would do anything to appease.
Finally, he turned it all on me and said that he hated that I copied him and tried to fit what he wanted, I needed to get my own identity. I felt insane at this point, and angry, because I lost myself completely in him.
I started to allow myself to make friends and talk with people, because I had completely isolated myself from family and friends at this point. Randomly, a friend of mine said, "You know that yawning is a sign of empathy?" And then it hit me – he never yawned. Ever. And that is when I started researching, and found that he completely lacked empathy. Characteristics of his started to line up with sociopaths and narcissistic personality disorder, and that is when I decided to end everything.
There are obviously a MILLION details that are not being mentioned here, that
are just so traumatizing (abused verbally, emotionally, mentally, physically, and even sexually). I realize this is a lot! It has been about a year now that I have had no contact with him, but now I am facing a lot of triggers that lead to anxiety attacks and emotional breakdowns. I am working through it and seeing a therapist now.
Anyway… If anyone has any suggestions for how to stop the emotional triggers from negatively affecting new relationships, I would really appreciate it. I don't want to hurt anyone with what happened to me.
so so glad there are other women out there that's gone through this awful stuff and are in recovery from this parasites. I feel so drained, I'm 44 and I'm so done with this. I want to be free. I need to get into PTSD therapy. I already suffer from CPTSD from family of origin. thank you thank you. x
I think I formed an addiction to my ex, SATAN, because I'm an analytically minded type and was trying to help her. when I would figure something out and challenge her manipulations, I would sometimes get results that were usually hilarious like wordsalad, or even more confusing and interesting than anticipated. these people also have very mysterious secret lives, so manipulating them into giving up details is also rewarding. I feel like they are here for a reason and we should not give up or give in to them. I developed interests in certain people from admiring their skills. they usually have no idea that these admirable skills even exist. You see only what THEY want you to see during the manipulation. THEIR rewards are the schemes, so whatever skills used to create the scheme and trap the victim are secondary and "work". things like incredible networking skills or precognition. they abandon their mind making it more open to control yours. I think the openness and detachment allow creative mind to manifest.
We are not meant to couple up. That's a "reptilian" concept. We are meant to be free yet connected to the Collective Consciousness. Oneness
She's really sexy yeah
Wow, what a trip to read such similar stories, it's scary how spot on it all is. Mine has a bit of a twist to it though. She seeked me out online through social media. She was hilarious. The first night we talked from 10pm till 4pm the next day. We both abuse substances, so there was common ground there, and we both were on the social media site doing the same thing, telling jokes basically. This all started back in September. It started off more intense than anything I've ever experienced. We talked every waking moment we got. Whoever woke up first would send the other a text. Oh, I almost forgot, she's about 1600 miles away. She has a family, husband and 2 kids. She's dangled the possibility of meeting her since the first week, and 7 months later and it still hasn't happened, and I realize now it won't. We fight now constantly. The first few big fights devastated me, I gave up a job after the first one just so I could talk to her on skype after she decided to "forgive" me. I've spent countless amounts of money that I can't afford, sending her drugs. I have realized whats been going on for the last couple months, yet I still can't break free. I try and she'll basically brush it off and pretend nothing happened. It's gotten bad though over the last few weeks. She uses her sexuality to reward me, then punish me, by posting seductive pictures of herself online in front of her 25,000 followers on twitter. She lies constantly, and gas lights me to no end. But I don't know how to stop. She's basically already discarded me, we barely talk, I beg her to have it return to how it used to be all the time, knowing it'll never happen. I think she's hanging on because she doesn't want to lose a drug connection. I seriously feel like I could hurt myself sometimes when I think about it ending. I feel just as sick as she is sometimes. :(
It's very coincidental that all people on youtube talking about narcissism are fragile insecure types… Maybe you seek for secure types, but secure types are attracted to secure girls… so you go for phony secure types… voila, narcissist, people who appear to be secure, but are insecure, just like you… match made in heaven!
If you're addicted to someone with NPD, you may ask yourself if you're also got a PD… Don't go to life coaches, but to a REAL PROFESSIONAL like a MD, psychologist or psychiater instead.
You could try to be more objective.
I know this is off topic, but hearing her voice was soothing.
this is so hard
this is so hard
Excellent video….the best I've probably seen
I really feel for you, especially in having your pain described as 'nothing.' I am sad you need to defend yourself. I guess those who've made the comments regarding their narcissistic parent being an incomparable pain to yours are just speaking from so much hurt, it's prevented them from being able to empathise with you. And the reality is as a person married to a narcissist, who has children, you have to deal with the pain of what they've done to your children. So you speak for the people who have been raised by a narcissist parent. And you're doing a brilliant job. Thank you.
Also have read that things only become really addictive if the same action does not always guarantee the same result, eg slot machines-roulette, even drugs. So they play this risk reward/punishment mindfuck when you do something for them-or if you try to pursue them in pursuit of what you want sometimes they'll give it sometimes not. Cocaine users often say the first line is the best and the rest of the evening you're just " chasing" the feeling of that first line but they carry on snorting anyway. Oh well. Who knows? But bad habits which are what addictions are should be KICKED. Lol. All the best with the book.
From the little I have seen and read so far I agree; it is not a competition and they're both different but equally nasty. Yet, it does seem to me if you have a narcissistic caregiver the odds seem to be higher that you will attract romantic encounters with narcissists. They can see the whole left in you and so, quite intentionally, try and make you addicted to them. You are then a supply they can keep going back to-again and again whenever it suits them.
I posit the stance that child victims of narcissistic parents are the ones who have suffered more is a clueless one for many reasons, including yet not limited to the following: 1) Most spousal victims (including those in the worst case scenario which means a common minor child or children with a covert aided and abetted spousal predator) come from some history of horrific tragedy even if it is not via a narcissistic parent. 2) Children grow to the age of 18 and beyond and have many years in youth (young adulthood) to catch the hint that their parents have harmed them and to seek help and healing for this in time to have a full and happy adult life. 3) Adult victims of the highly sophisticated aided and abetted spousal predator do not get to escape the "relationship" at 18-20-21-25 years old and catch a hint they need help, deal with their damages and move onto a better adult life after getting the help they need. Instead they find out what they're married to or with in a marital manner when oftentimes when they are in their late 30's, 40's, 50's or older than 50's, after the predator's facade is ripped off and they then get to spend years plotting a difficult escape with children when applicable, etc. — by the time they are free they do not get to start again young and with all that potential of youth. What they've lost is everything other than old age. 4) There is nothing as horrific as seeing one's child or children destroyed by the predator and his/her heinous aided and abetted abuse when applicable and not being able to do anything about it because no one will help the spousal victim or help only comes after far too much abuse has occurred. Etc.
I was addicted to a couple of narcissists (not clinically diagnosed, because, of course, they never sought treatment), and for me, it was because they were SO "love bomb-y" at the beginning of the relationship. They were the two guys that just went way out of their way to convince me they loved me, and did so many wonderful things. I am a recovering codependent, and as I got healthier, I spotted them more easily, and just won't even let them anywhere near me. I used to feel SO blind to it. So maybe it was a combination of being naive, addicted to or in a state of LIMERENCE, and codependent that made me attach to unhealthily to them, and not really any other men. When I became aware, their subsequent abuse in the relationships just blew my mind. I still can't believe I felt that way about two different men who treated me SO shabbily. But, I honestly felt like I could not LIVE without them, at the time. It's a very scary, and excruciatingly painful feeling.I did all kinds of humiliating and desperate things to get them back, too. So awful. It would be great if you could figure out the connection. Any time, now, that I feel someone is "charming," or laying it on too thick, they are immediately cut off. I don't feel like I would ever be at risk of falling for one, again, or even be in danger of being addicted to another person. I guess I think it's a cocktail of things that do it, because I have had a few narcissists try, since then, and I won't even take the bait.
surviving danger is very addictive and nowt more dangerous than a narc with no empathy that could snap.
I can so so so relate to this more debate on this topic thank you for high lighting this!
this video is great-well said!!
Intermittent Reinforcement… just reading the below comments…thanks…they are disorganized I'll grant my ex that..but I could almost feel or know when she was dangling the carrot or withholding to gain control….I'm not a very reactive person (by nature) to stresses/situations so she kept upping the ante till it was insane…. however I have been and still am addictive to substances…but that has mellowed with age…drove her even more nuts when she couldn't get her hooks into me..then the rages would begin and violence. And eventually me breaking-running or even raging myself.Which I always had remorse for soon after.
Hello Sweet Gal
because they are lie CRACK , Cocaine any addictive drug , which leaves us seeking that Ultimate High yet its never as good as the first time. Another reason for the addiction is knowing you are right and the Narcissist avoids & withholds just to "win" . In essence we are or can be addicted to the need of being acknowledged/validated . A Huge if Not the main reason for this "addiction" is SEX. Sex is the exchanging of energies not just bodily fluids n enjoyment of penetration and whn one is shackled to another's energy force the addiction becomes greater.
Haha laugh or cry ….
I am exactly that "Rat" you talk bout
Even born Chinese year of the Rat
"Try harder run faster do better "
I am finally awake ! Amen !
OMG typo 30 years not be 39 !! Will not
even 31!!!!
Hah! Seriously , 55 years of victim hood of Both…..only child of crazy npd mother lead me right to 39 year marriage to male counterpart ugh