Discover how the narcissist identifies our deepest, darkest wounds and uses them to exert control over us. Learn the most common wounds that I hear about …
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Is The Narcissist The Torturer Or The Messenger?
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thank you Melanie..bless you for the lives you have changed and to look within
While I appreciate that my narcs could not have hurt me as deeply if my childhood wounds were better healed, I do not accept that this happened to me as some kind of cosmic message to me…that suggests that the Universe is also judging how I've managed through my life with the wounds I've sustained. I don't believe the Universe is that cruel, personally.
I'm happy to accept personal responsibility for my own healing, but these people are utterly evil (speaking of my narcs only here). They weave a path of destruction wherever they go and have damaged everyone around them to one degree or another….inviting dysfunction and pushing away normal, healthy things/people. I did NOT invite them into my life to force me to heal my old childhood wounds better (only to then add other wounds from these arseholes on top of all that). I survived and am slowly learning to thrive because I rejected that particular "lesson".
I thrive because I refuse to allow people to bring me down, but I had very little control over the wounds of childhood that were done to an innocent girl, long before I was old enough to understand the concept of attempting to heal myself from all of that.
You're talking to me and about my experience, I thought I was crazy and making this up in my mind, he brought back all of my old wounds and I now know why I accepted it. Thank you,
Melanie, I am doing your healing program right now and it has saved my life. Your outlook on how to recover from narcissistic abuse is so revolutionary and empowering. I have been facing deep wounds that I've never been able to release before. I realized most of all that the narcs and abusers in my life were a reflection of the energy I was putting out and I needed to take ownership for my own healing. I hope that all people in recovery find your program!
thank you for saving my life. xx
In your article you said this was a short video. It's not short & I'm glad it's longer. Such an important topic.
Narcissists don't control people. Certain people "let" them have control over themselves. I'm the type of person who needs to have full control of my own life, but I have no desire to control others. I never place blame on others for my problems, because then it is out of my control to rectify them. I think the root of the problem has nothing to do with narcissists,rather it stems from relinquishing self control to others by making them the cause of the problem. By taking full responsibility you take full control of any change needed to rectify a problem. If codependent people have relationship problems only with narcissists,then I am wrong. If codependent people tend to be "woe is me" (placing the blame on anyone but themselves) type people, then maybe focusing only on the narcissist relationship isn't going to get to the root of the problem.
I respect anyone whom makes an effort in personal growth, so my words are for consideration not condemnation.
he or she is Satan
Thanks for your work Melanie!
Hello Melanie, I appreciate you and what you are providing here. Do you accept donations and if so, would you be able/willing to accept bitcoin as it is pretty much my only method of payment. Thanks again! I will definitely refer your blog and vids.
Thank you Melanie
This video is on point, thank you for sharing :)
You made me cry 🙁 wow! Everything you said, hit my soul because you just brought up every painful emotion i've felt in my life and especially with the narcissist. I'm still crying and praying that i can get out of this.
It's tough when you want to change your life and you have to deal with my own issues with my own parents who are NPD. Some times I had to learn that I had to "shoot" back because they start to stop their behaviors some of the time. I have a lot of wounds due to abandonment. I don't trust words from anymore and action speaks louder than words. It's frustrating to deal with when you feel stuck in a situation when you are struggling financially. Car loss and money stolen… It's been tough to live with. My mom and dad are codependent with With each other And my mom would rely on my father for finances.
sublimbinal cat?
Melanie, to me you are an Angel that has come into my life. As I work at my computer, I listen to your videos and I am so excited about this journey I've begun with you. Looking forward to the day when the healing has uplifted and up-leveled me to the place I want to be. Thank you.
Hearings these things from you is like a breath of fresh air. It took me decades to work through the damage from narcs on my own without input like you have here. Hope others do it a lot faster than I did!
yes. it went to i could do nothing wrong or say anything wrong to i cant do anything right or im damned if i do damned if i dont
The narcissist in my life was the greatest gift of my life.I never would have realized how wounded I was if not for my narcissist.The degree to which I allowed them into my life was exactly proportionate to how little I was able to love and care for myself.
They abuse you to get them what they want from you.
They simply DO NOT care about you as a person.
You are an object that stands in their way.
Thats why they use coercive persuation. and other methods of manipulation. Brainwashing. Fear. Guilt. and other forms of manipulations to keep you under control.
They use people. They need that control to keep you under their thumb.
They literally break you down to make you comply into giving them what they want. (usually Sex, Power, Money).
These are truly fucked up individuals. It makes me sick literally as i am writing this.
What a stunning woman .
Messenger or not, there is no excuse for their ill-will, for them being evil incarnate.
I've just been blamed for my NARC cheating on me, how do I hope with this?
but i don't get it. We can never be 100% healed right? So in some way or another we can attract bad people to us?? That's what makes me really scared. At this point in my life I have no friends and no lovers, because they give off toxic signs and aren't genuine. I just don't know what to do. I work on healing all the time, but I don't know if there's a point where I can start making friends because honestly healing is a never ending process. When do I stop attracting toxic people?
Should I just be alone for years and years on end till I've worked more and more through my healing? ……
I am SO grateful for having just heard what you said about women who go for security and end up with men who financially abuse the entire family. My father did just that, leaving all three of us always struggling. Every time he saw us succeeding, he'd interject into our lives and behind the scenes sabotage our efforts in the most evil ways, for example literally calling a venture capitalist and talking them out of my deal! I never saw it happening because I would never stoop nearly so low on even my worst rival. Finally i discovered the truth: His business had been a failure for years, he left the country 100-200 times on business, but didn't really have a plan it was to get narc supply from citizens of very poor countries, and finally it came back that even when he physically beat me at the youngest of ages, maybe 5-7, i complained to my mother who told me it had been my imagination. Today i feel it is my mother who deserves less sympathy. My father is a malignant narcissist, my mother defended him and turned on her father (who hated my dad), her two sons so badly neglected my brother died at 44 after more of her abuse, and even her younger sister who died of anorexia – today i am sure which begun as my mother first born golden child defending her father abusing the sister, probably telling my aunt (who was almost 20 years younger) that indeed once again, it was her imagination, she being the lost child. My uncle, the middle brother the black sheep named as such long before since his little sister was born yet to be branded sheep, is alcoholic morning to night, but alas he is like me the scapegoat who survived albeit barely alive but still kicking. Long live the scapegoat as black sheep we be!
While there may be a silver lining of sorts that can be harnessed, I think it's worth considering that it isn't an either-or thing. I think it's going entirely too far to glorify a narcissistic abuser as some sort of messenger bringing us some powerful life lesson. If you're the sort of person who strives to be your personal best, you will find an opportunity for that in practically everything you encounter in life, whether good, bad, or indifferent, but saying the narcissist is a messenger because we were able to bring something good out of the experience is off-base; giving him or her much undeserved credit. If you throw a rock and hit me in the head with it, and I come to and realize I can use that rock to knock a nail into a wall, that doesn't mean you came to give me a hammer. You still threw a rock and hit me in the head with it hard enough to make me go unconscious, and there's absolutely no way I'm going to be grateful for you attacking me and giving me a concussion. Narcissists are very much torturers. They are aware that what they are doing is wrong, otherwise they wouldn't hide it as they do – they just don't care about us and get a buzz off hurting us. They lack compassion. They lack empathy. They lack real emotion, especially the capacity to love, and that means they lack a fundamental characteristic shared by human beings. They are monsters.
Hey Mel You have helped me immensely with your focus on the Thriver. Also , in some of your " lectures " you may say something that really hits home / I have to laugh at the irony of it eg. " you give them ( narcs) bullets to shoot you with!"Those statements really resonate and wham that point home !! Also the bit of laughter relief takes a bite out of the sting of the truth! I always get a precious nugget from your healing work. Many thanks! Xox
Oh my goodness. This is so good. This is what I needed to hear. This is truly going to help me. Thank you. God Bless.
thank you..thank you ..thank you <3
Absolutely love this, thank you for your insight. Incredibly helpful in healing from abuse and understanding each persons role in the abuse. I've been studying abuse from the narcissists perspective as well (Sam Vaknin etc) in order to see things from all angles and starting to see just how weak my abusers truly are and that I am and always was the strong person. I knew they lied constantly and where abusive when I was a child but as a child I had no way to protect myself from it. I've been full no contact with my mother for nearly 12 years and I still am healing and learning every day truths about the abuse, the abusers and myself. It's a long journey but well worth it.
I've received very great benefits from a narc attack, for instance a sense of where conventional people are unable to understand creativity and how to explain it to them (my concept of "shamanic doubling") and also my realization that I had been projecting my own knowledge, courage and authority into another. I was able to call back that better sense of my self and own it as my own.
Excellent video Melanie! Very helpful.
This message is beautifully expressed and it is filled with kindness, compassion. Thank you. 🙂
Vintage Melanie Tonia Evans. No one else on the entire internet approaches narcissistic abuse recovery in the way Melanie Tonia Evans does. Everyone else lists signs and symptoms of narcissistic abuse, urges you to avoid narcissists when it's already too late, or exhorts you with advice that isn't very useful. Melanie is different. Her method of recovery is the real deal. If you're really interested in healing as quickly as possible, follow her Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Programme.
So glad to see you in these clips. You are on to the key to dissolving "The Heart of Darkness". I have been a Narp member since april of this year and have been doing the modules along with other transformative activities. It is amazing and difficult. It takes time as changing the dna is a massive undertaking. All I can say is, give us more, more, more. Best to you, you're a sweetheart.
Thanks
so needed to hear this. I am struggling with a NARC sibling who is trying to force me out of No Contact by relaying messages to me through our mother. She is totally taken in by his claims that he wants to reconcile with me but cannot see that he is using her, as he has never approached me directly. I spent much of my childhood trying to defend my mother from my emotionally abusive, probably narcissistic and definitely alcoholic father and now I am struggling with seeing the stress she is suffering from my siblings continual using of her to get to me.
This is extremely cutting edge technology and wisdom for evolution of this entire planet. Melanie, thank you for being one of the point soldiers for all of us in this incredibly ancient battle for the glorious lives we were always meant to be living.