The Covert Narcissist appears to be the meek and quiet loving parent or spouse whilst all along planning and plotting. laying down a foundation so he/she will …
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The Covert Narcissist
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WOW! JUST WOW! A GIRLFRIEND I'VE HAD FOR7YRS. I OFTEN ASK MYSELF,WHY DID GOD PUT THESE CREATURES HERE WITH US?
thanks for your video. i take a lot of comfort from this Video and for the past seven years ive had to deal with this type of NPD and have had some counselling which is still ongoing but trying to convince your employer is just another story. the more you try and explain the more of a nutter you become so to everyone one else your the one thats causing the problem not them.
Thank you for share, you are wonderful and I am a narcissirt survivor too, and I am a scapegoat too
It is amazing how they all do the same things. I had no idea for so many years what was happening or how these set ups worked. I fell right in to the trap and never saw it coming. How truly dreadful of your NM to do this to you, the one who helped her the most and practically raised your little brother. It defies the imagination how low they will stoop to harm those they know deep down are opposite what they are. The same playbook over and over. It makes sense that the ones most like them become the goldens, and perpetuate the cycle. The scapegoats are the only ones in the family with a true heart. May you meet many kind people in real life who will be a blessing to you, and be worthy of you.
My Narc family SET UP a situation that they deemed fit for punishment so my father could beat me up and question me about what was actually a separate delusion in his own head. They actually had to set something up for me to get in trouble for because I just wasn't that kid AT ALL but they needed something that would give them "licence" to beat me up and then ask me crazy weird shit that was obviously going round and round in his head. Pure evil however you spin it..
Personal stories are good, they help give context and also trigger memories of similar things done to us.
evil
ANNIE!!! IT IS YOU!
I have been well and truly set up this week with my daughter telling my sister "how difficult I am , how mean I am ", etc all cos my grown up daughter can't now walk all over me and manipulate me . She's still living here and ape times it's been hell. She communicates with my covert narc sister and they triangulate. I have done so much for my daughter ; I don't deserve it. I have done nothing wrong. My sister is a fowl unkind bitch and I'm now NContact. Sad as I now feel I've lost my daughter too.
Oh my fucking God, my jaw's on the ground…. This is my mother to a T!!!! Wow wow
Oh Yes!! I SO identify with EVERYTHING you're saying… I've finally found out it's not me, I'm not alone and how twisted my N Mom is.
You described my stepmother to a T..I'm glad I went no contact.
The Malignant Narcissist in my family is just like this. If you met her you would think butter wouldn't melt in her mouth but she has masterminded every drama, manufactured every lie. She's behind all the enmity and ill will, the smear campaigns. I made the mistake of standing up to her thus not giving her her own way and she exploded in rage, something she never does so I've been on the receiving end of what can only be termed a vendetta ever since. I have seen the real her so I have to be taken down because to everyone else she is this meek and mild 'lovely' woman.
My sister is so meak and puts on a persona of sweet mild friendly kind vulnerable and patient. Completely covert ; even my daughter believes how lovely and caring she is. She has pulled my daughter in under her Narc sick wing , to wind me up . I lie low and don't react. I always wondered what her strange false persona was all about and now I know. …Alleluia !
Your mother deserves to be exposed . She sounds a bitch from hell .
Cricri ur so brilliant,& knowledgeable and you have been so so helpful. My Narc mother who caused me so much pain and made me feel so bad is now in a Carehome with dementia. I now know that my sister is a Narc too and I keep low contact . Being the family scapegoat as I was , she helped to create that. I loved it Cricri when you said if you cross a Narc , "you better watch out, because you know they're going to be coming, so put up your force field…" In any future meeting with my sister I will ignore her covert malignant toxic sick bullshit and chuckle to myself , as I know her game now.
My life is happy now and I love myself and all I have . My sister still tries now and again to triangulate using my daughter, which is poisonous behaviour. However, generally life is so good and I am happy and not anxious anymore .
Life is beautiful and I have peace.
Thankyou Cricri you're great !!! God bless xxx
They are so incredibly insidious… with their invisible tactics!
Very True Sir
I wonder if you have any thoughts about narcissistic children? My daughter spent a tremendous amount of time with my parents who were both doting grandparents. Mother was an alcoholic…my father was the angry perfectionistic. They doted my daughter and treated her like a little princess….my father treated me like an employee who was on the verge of getting fired. He barely tolerated me. He was, I believe, narcissistic. My daughter is narcissistic. I would love to know your thoughts about narcissistic children.
When you say that they are looking for "supply" what do you mean?
How can i contact you privately ?
My mother is meek and mild and turns into a king foo spitting monster . I always wondered if she had a split personality but she rocks every box of a narcissist
oMG they are soooo good at planting those seeds!!!! In my situation now that I know that he is a narcissist, and freeze him out like he has freezed me out for 18 years, he has now started to plant seeds ALL around him, so that he can play the "she's the crazy one" card on me….
Amazing insight- keep doing this it is unbelievably useful- more than you may ever know.
In my experience the covert narcissist is the absolute worst kind of narcissist and they are best stayed away from.
Yes, you nail the topic of "covert narcissist" precisely. I am thinking more of the term "covert sociopath/psychopath"
This sounds like my dad, a person I know, and one of my friends. Jeez
That meek, mild-mannered, pillar of the community thing sounds like my dad. I don't know if he's purposely lying about me to others, but I know he has said negative things to them about me. And yet to my face, he's so caring and nice…except that some of it is not that nice. But he acts like it is. Some of the things I know he's said to my sisters were untrue, but I'm not certain that he knew that. Things like that while I was living with him a few years ago, I didn't help out around the house. This was untrue. But I had started doing it while he was at work, so he may not have seen it.
Good work , I especially liked your closing comments,, it was comforting.. Having a mother like mine and yours is … there are no words adequate to describe the hell they cause their children ,, especially the good child, to go through. I wish I could find one person to believe me about her , but no one will. so you have to deal with it alone.
It is interesting how listening to you takes me away from the many narcissists that followed after my parents but now, my mind is going back to the many many things my mother did to me [ my father also] that still harms me now years after they died. Relatives that will not communicate due to some secret squirrel crap she said, to top that my middle sister who does the same things. Sadly, I have watched my husband do these things to my [ now ] adult children and I always find myself coming to their aid, cleaning the mess he made, asking them why they even listen to his rubbish. It is that need for validation they can not get from me and continue to try.
This nonsense is still up. Covert Narcissism is a very mild personality disorder. Low on Masterson's three level scale of narcissism.
oh this hits me this describes my dad perfectly sigh new there was sumthing off about him wanting me to move to rode island always wanting me to move always being the best guy out there and turning on me when i least expect it and stomping all over my hobbys
Excellent speaker and well organized material. I just cut a covert and regular narcissist out of my life and this is good reinforcement that I made the right decision. Very well done sir!
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! As the daughter of a pair of covert narcs, your videos are helping me get past the huge pile of crap that has been dumped on me , the family scapegoat, for years. I am so grateful for the heightened awareness your teachings have given me in dealing with this. This has galvanized me against the on-going saga of being caught in a narc's sick and twisted games.
A covert narcissist is very cunning and calculating and it can take an awfully long time to see through the act. Luckily for me, after the death of my father, my mother's power base began to shift (he was also her flying monkey for years and years.) And she was partially exposed for what she is and has been for all those long, painful, confusing years. It has been thanks to this that I will get to live the remainder of my life without her and my golden child older sister's BS. She had remained hidden in the heart of the family for years. Now I can be free :)
When watching most of these videos, I have an "Oh my god" moment
Hmm yes, after hearing your example, I see now my ex- was using triangulation against me and his co-workers (whom I didn't have much, if any, interaction with). Sometimes my ex would come home and tell me the responses he had gotten to the complaints he had made about me (that because I was studying at uni and had lots of free time, I should do all of the housework – he enrolled me into a uni course without my knowledge). So when I left him the first time (after finishing uni), he told his friends and they immediately assumed I left because 'I had gotten what I wanted'. (<— this follows your example of planting the seed and using it against me later.)
My ex- took pride in telling me how he defended me (because that's what couples are supposed to do, according to him), and when I finally left him (by travelling 1500km to get away from him), his friends "the pity party" were over THE NEXT DAY supporting him because of the emotional mess I had left him in.
He also made a best friend at his workplace not long after I moved in with him, whom I believe my ex only befriended for the purposes of triangulation. Not that it worked because I didn't care what my ex- did in his private life; although, my ex- had to know EVERY detail of mine…and figurately held me against the wall until I told him every conversation or exchange I had had.
This is my mother HOLY CRAP!!!
Question: I have met many people, and have dated non-narcissistic women in the past who are horrified that I have cut-off communication with my mother. I'm often accused of all sorts of heinous actions, and that one should ALWAYS respect one's parents. I have also since learned that when a child is (or has been) abused by a parent, the law of honoring one’s mother and/or father is suspended. I firmly believe this.
However, my question is, "how do you counter this seemingly prevailing attitude that one is being cruel to one's mother?"
All I feel I'm doing is preserving my sanity and emotional well-being. The only 'come-back' I have ever thought of is, "did you not read the book, or see the movie, Carrie? Were you cheering for the mother in that story?"